I had an interesting conversation with a treasured Vietnam veteran the other day -- interesting in the sense that the Chinese mean it. I thought he was planning on being one place and then when his plans changed at the last minute, I found out why. He was, in his words, "taking the loaded gun out of the mouth" of one of his dearest friends, a Silver Star winner who also served in Vietnam -- and not for the first time, either. I've heard some of the other stories, too, as they were happening.
Just out of curiosity I asked him, having recently heard that although he's usually "successful" at this particular task -- a combination of skill and luck, I am sure, and I've heard how he does it, it's really pretty cool -- he's also "gotten there too late," in about five people's cases -- how many people has he actually tried to "rescue" over the years in the same way? Literally "taking a loaded gun out of their mouths" (although that really amounts to persuading the fellow vet to lay it down, not physically trying to take it.)
"About 100," he said, and wasn't too happy to have to say it, either.
Just think of that for a minute. His odds are probably pretty good. I'm sure some of the 100 were actually different tries by the same people, but even so...five dying, 95 successfully averting...but 100 attempts? From your peer group? That would seriously suck. And I know he's made a few himself.
So when we as a country try to estimate and analyze the "hidden costs" and the "lifetime costs" of struggling with PTSD, let's remember the psychic costs as well. I'm not sure any of us are particularly well-suited to be taking loaded guns out of each other's mouths...for decades. And the irony to me of this whole situation is that of course, he does what he does out of love: because he can't let them do it. And yet...he's often not much more than a few steps ahead of where the other person is, at that moment. Granted, he's sharing everything he's got. But really: is this a solution? I'm sure if he hadn't been there for those guys, the suicide toll among Vietnam combat veterans would be that much higher. Which would be a tremendous loss, and a continuing disgrace (that they have to, not that they did.) But at the same time -- think about it from a mental health standpoint. How great would yours be, if decades after a war, you could also look forward to THIS grim duty? Good grief...The poets and the politicians both agree, sometimes: War is Hell. But so can the aftermath be, sadly. Even for those who survive.
Editor's note: For veterans in crisis, call the National Veterans Foundation. Staffed with crisis counselors -- other vets, just like you. As their website says, "The NVF is standing by to provide you with personal assistance and advice. We are staffed by veterans with experiences from Vietnam to Iraq. We are trained not only in Veterans issues but also in crisis management for PTSD and suicide prevention. If there is anything we can do for you, please ... simply call us at (888) 777-4443."
