I've been reading Belleruth Naparstek's book, "Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal," and she makes an excellent point both about the safety and normalcy we unconsciously come to expect from life, and then the terrible way in which we find ourselves suddenly cut adrift from those same moorings through tragedy and trauma.
After first describing how the human toddler first takes sheer delight in realizing they are the center of their world and can "make things happen" -- by knocking over piles of blocks in play, again and again, or shouting and laughing at the sound of his or her own voice -- she the contrasts this with the sheer helplessness people feel because of a trauma-causing incident. Sagely, she describes the point:
"And because it is built into our human hard-wiring to love ourselves for being able to make things happen, the converse is also true: we lose self-regard when bad things happen that are beyond our control. The essential insult of trauma is the helplessness it generates, and the inadequacy and powerlessness we feel in its grip.
Rational or not, we can't help but feel it's a reflection on our worthiness that, when confronted with a terrifying and terrible event, we didn't prevent it, escape it, or fix it. So we somehow lose value to ourselves and, at a level we may not even be aware of, we feel guilty and ashamed."
This is a powerful and accurate description of what so many people go through after trauma. Good for Naparstek for bringing it to light.
