Healing Combat Trauma

"The Vietnam Experience: A Soldier's Story" (Museum Exhibit)

The photo at left is of dog tags -- one for every local servicemember who died in combat during the Vietnam war -- hanging off the exhibition banner announcing a special show about the Vietnam War at the Petaluma Historical Museum in Petaluma, CA.

The exhibit, which is called "The Vietnam Experience: A Soldier's Story," opened mid-September and runs through Thanksgiving weekend. It features the personal stories and memorabilia of local veterans who served in the war.

According to the museum's website, "The exhibition includes historical artifacts, photographs, and documents interwoven with remarkable oral histories. Highlights of the exhibition include simulated living conditions, a Reflection wall, a speaker series, and film “The Vietnam War” which will air every Saturday at 1:30 p.m."

They add, "Over 278,000 Allied soldiers would die along with 1,470,000 Allied wounded in one of the most controversial wars in American history. Our goal is to honor the men and women of both the United States and Vietnam who served their countries in a common cause, and to educate our community about the sacrifices that they made."

The exhibit has been made possible with material from local US veterans, the collection of the Pacific Coast Air Museum, the Sonoma County Vietnamese Association, and the Petaluma Military Museum. General admission to the museum is $3, and free to any allied veteran.

For more on the Petaluma Historical Museum and the Vietnam war exhibition, click here. There's also quite an excellent, robust and extensive speaker series associated with the exhibit, linked here.

 

A Veteran Spouse Asks the Key Question: Will You Love Them Enough to Learn?

Longtime veterans advocate and ecumenical chaplain Kathie Costos is a hero of mine. On dealing with the spouses and the families, it's hard to find anyone wiser, having lived through the crucible of her own experience -- being married to a Vietnam vet for lo these many years (28, at last count), and raising a family with him, after he got back from the war.

In conversation, she admits she had to learn it all the hard way -- as many do. When she gives advice, she says it's like she's speaking to her 26-year-old self; giving out the advice she wishes she'd gotten at the time but had to learn on her own.

Here she is on a crucial question many folks should come to terms with: Do you care enough about them (veterans) to learn what they went through? She writes about some who do, and many who do not:

"My husband was married before we met. He was married soon after he came back from Vietnam. During their six years together, she didn't want to know about Vietnam, had no tolerance for his nightmares, flashbacks or short term memory loss. She didn't want to hear anything about Vietnam and they separated so many times he lost count. She just couldn't take it and this, this was when his PTSD was mild. 

His Dad, a WWII veteran with a Purple Heart and Bronze Star, didn't want to talk to him about war at all other than a few stories about some of his friends. His Mom didn't want to talk to him about anything other than what she wanted him to do for her.

Friends didn't want to listen and he never felt he could talk to any of them even if they were willing to listen. A few of them were also Vietnam veterans but they didn't talk about much either. There was no communication and no support. They had nothing to really connect. No emails with buddies back home in the states. No news reports from around the country. No books on PTSD with personal stories were written. There were only clinical books for me to read when we met and I wanted to find out why this veteran was so much different than everyone else in my family.

My Dad was a disabled Korean Vet and my uncles served in WWII. My husband was totally different.

Today there is the Internet, books, videos, media attention, sites like this one putting together news reports from around the country and more programs than I can remember, yet today there are still high numbers of divorce, suicides and attempted suicides with more and more veterans ending up homeless from Iraq and Afghanistan. Their families and friends are not perfect. Most of them have the same attitude my husband's inner circle did when they could have been trying to be supportive instead of telling him to "get over it" and stop.

Today wives like me are no longer left in the abyss trying to claw their way out alone because they have a lifeline to reach for, but too many never take hold of it. Their families, spouse and kids, suffer just as much as they do but they have the power to end the suffering and begin the healing. They have the power within their reach but they just won't take it.

Do they love their veteran enough to learn? Do they care enough to find out what they can do to help instead of judge and blame?

My husband's ex-wife didn't care enough to find out what she was facing and their marriage ended after six years. We've been married for 26 years and with all the heartache and struggles, I wouldn't have missed a day of it because in the process of learning what I could do for him, I discovered a more marvelous man under all the pain he carried.

All of us can discover the people they really are under all the pain when we care enough to learn and help them heal. In the process, we heal ourselves, forgive what caused us pain because we understand what is behind it and know how to respond to help them see the person they are under all of it."

Reprinted with permission. For Kathie Costos' blog, Wounded Times, click here.

The Toll of Veteran Suicide: Those Unnecessary Deaths

The poet T.S. Eliot called April "the cruelest month," but you know, this time of year, heading into the holidays, isn't that great either -- especially for those who are suffering from post-traumatic stress, when numbers of those who take their own lives actually climb. The numbers are already bad enough; and 'tis the season, so to speak, when they actually get worse.

Currently, 18 veterans a day(!!!) kill themselves; and one active duty servicemember every 36 hours(!!!).

Those are TERRIBLE numbers, because each one represents a life that can never come back, and plunges a family and a community into an often never-ending ordeal.

According to the website FierceGoodbye, material for survivors put together by the Mennonites, something we already know, but it's painful to hear the statistics again, and contemplate how far indeed the trauma reaches. They say: "Over four million people in the U.S. mourn the tragic suicides of family members. Suicide devastates family members for many years; family survivors are at greater risk of suicide themselves, and the pain ripples out to the entire community."

That's why optimizing mental health is so important. An unusual quote that a colleague just shared with me, from a writer who knows:

"Looking at suicide—the sheer numbers, the pain leading up to it, and the suffering left behind—is harrowing. For every moment of exuberance in the science, or in the success of governments, there is a matching and terrible reality of the deaths themselves: the young deaths, the violent deaths, the unnecessary deaths." -- Kay Redfield Jamison, mental illness sufferer, psychotherapist and author of "Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide."

For those of you who work with veterans, thank YOU for your service. Ideally, it honors the veterans' lives, loves, and their commitments to stay in the game, and helps get them the tools to do so.

Editor's note: If you're a veteran in trouble, please contact the hotline numbers linked here, or if you're truly in crisis, call 9-1-1. If you're someone who wants to learn more about suicide and veterans, there's a series of articles on the topic, linked here. And if you want to learn about a veteran overcoming his own struggle with suicide, click here.

Additionally, "Fierce Goodbye: Living in the Shadow of Suicide,' is a book, a website, and a DVD. It's also a video-on-demand at Amazon to rent (inexpensive) or to purchase.

Celebrating a Milestone

"Savor the victories" is always wise advice. So today we're celebrating a milestone around here: we've passed 3,000 fans on Facebook. Find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/4PTSD and on Twitter @HealingPTSD. This website, soon to go over 850 blogposts or articles, was started almost five years ago now -- when no one else was writing about PTSD on the Web. Initially our focus was medical, psychological and legal help for those coming back from combat with PTSD.

Over time, and as other resources have sprung up, our focus has narrowed to its current niche: Therapeutic resources for veterans with combat-based post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), focusing on integrative medicine -- the best of East and West.

If you want to "see" what the heart and soul of our mission is here, watch this, a three-minute film about our work here called "A Veteran's Healing Journey." In the meantime, thank you for your support. Our mission is to help combat veterans heal from post-traumatic stress, and to give them and their families hope for the journey along the way. Please give.

Quotable Quotes -- Michel de Montaigne on Valor of the Soul

We usually think of "valor" according to its dictionary definition -- "strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness; personal bravery" -- the word itself comes from the Latin word, "valere" -- to be of worth, to be strong, which ultimately became the Middle English word for worthiness or bravery. (We also get the word "value" from these origins.) And on a practical level, we associate the word with the combat action medal, which is given with or without the "V" for valor.

But here's an expanded definition from an influential, 16th century French Renaissance author and statesman. He wrote, more broadly:

"Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage; of the soul." -- Michel de Montaigne.

Isn't that something that every combat veteran with PTSD -- nay, even every family member, caregiver and loved one of a vet with PTSD -- finds they have to encounter at one time or another? (Rhetorical.) Here's a toast to you in that often-daily struggle to be whole again and to be well.

Those Progressive Danes! Their Purple Heart Just Extended to Include PTSD

Those (ultimately) progressive Danes!

In a momentous development yet to be mentioned in the American or the English language-speaking press, we've learned that Denmark has expanded the criteria for their version of our Purple Heart medal -- given to those who have been wounded physically in combat operations -- to include those who suffer the less-visible wound of post-traumatic stress disorder.

(We wrote about the topic back in 2008, linked here, about whether it would be wise to extend the Purple Heart's criteria to include PTSD. That proposal generates controversy here, but the Danes have since moved past the controversy to actual recognition.)

From an official Danish government publication, issued date October 10, 2010, and translated here: "In 2010 Her Majesty The Queen approved that...veterans who are wounded physically in international operations can receive the Armed Forces Medal for Wounded in Service."

Importantly, the publication adds, "The Government recognizes the psychological harm on an equal footing with physical damage, and has therefore taken the initiative to add recognition of physical and mental injuries treated. The Defense medal "Wounded in Service" will from now on be attributed also to those mentally wounded."

(The medal, pictured here, was established in 2006, and is awarded to "military or civilian personnel killed, seriously wounded or disabled as a result of enemy or terrorist action.")

Some background on the novel step the Danes have taken:

This past summer, the Jutland Post (Jyllands-Posten), one of Denmark's largest-selling newspapers, published a video expose of Danish war veterans "so frustrated by society's lack of empathy for suffering war-related post-traumatic behavioral issues (PTSD) that they have gone beneath the radar and are living in forests, eating berries and catching wildlife to survive," according to Danish journalist Bent Lorentzen, who wrote about it, here.

Then Gitte Lillelund Bech, the first female Defense Minister, offended many Danes when she suggested that it was up to the veterans to find their own mental help. The head of one Danish veterans' organization, Lars Christensen, responded angrily (translated) that her remarks were "a great insult to the people who today are suffering after having served Denmark. We urge all veterans to send their medals for us and we will return them to the Minister. When Gitte Lillelund Bech send people to war, it is also her responsibility to treat them properly when they get home."

(See news story from the Danish press illustrating this controversy, linked here.)

In a follow-up to that controversy, Danish journalist Lorentzen wrote that, "In a statement to Sunday's (June 27, 2010) Jyllands-Posten newspaper, Gitte Bech now admits that there is a need for the nation to seek out Danish war veterans and offer them crisis help. Denmark's Military Service-persons Society (Hærens Konstabel og Korporalforening) praises Gitte Bech for becoming wiser. Apparently now, the decorated war veterans threatening in solidarity to return their medals of honor and bravery are holding off and seeing what will occur." (Lorentzen's article is linked here.)

We have yet to find a Danish press article on the expansion of the medal criteria to include PTSD, though when we do we will post that. (There is this recent article from The Copenhagen Post, talking about 19 new initiatives the Danes have just put into place to recognize and support those who serve, linked here, and that's well worth reading.) In the meantime, the official government publication, quoted above, is proof that it happened and that it is now official policy. Whether other nations will follow Denmark's progressive lead on this controversial question remains to be seen. We hope that they do.

Editor's note: Gitte Lillelund Bech became Denmark's first female defense minister in late February, 2010.

Additionally, many thanks to Danish war veteran Dean Lyngaard for his invaluable help researching this article! Lyngaard served in Operation Desert Storm, Bosnia, Croatia, and the Sudan, with the French Foreign Legion, with NATO and with Danish forces.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

One Veteran's Healing Journey from PTSD

Please take three minutes and watch "A Veteran's Healing Journey," linked here. It's the heart and soul of what we do around here at Healing Combat Trauma, and we need your support to continue bringing this type of healing to other combat vets with PTSD and MST.

As the "star" of the three-minute film said, after bursting into tears watching it, "That is one lucky SOB." He'd forgotten just how sick and how close to giving up he was, until he watched it for himself again. You might "know" this Vietnam veteran, Marine, with three purple hearts already: He's the one featured in the "Eyewitness to Combat" section of our site, linked here. 

Please help us help other vets like him regain their health and hope. Donate here.

On Bended Knee: Forgiveness and Spirituality Also Help Heal Wounded Hearts

We don't spend much time talking about the benefits of mainstream religious-ity around here -- the dominant cultural paradigm doesn't need too much of an assist to get the word out about itself, after all -- but today there's an interview in Gaiam, a good source of health and wellness products and advice, with Larry Dossey, M.D., that's worth noting.

Dossey is the author of several books on the power of prayer and its effect on health (even among non-believers), including: "Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine," Prayer is Good Medicine," and "Reinventing Medicine: Beyond Mind-Body to a New Era of Healing," among others.

He mentions several of the benefits...

 "For one thing, people who are attuned to spirituality often practice good health habits...(and) ...people who find a positive meaning in life tend to have better health profiles." Also, "people who belong to spiritually oriented groups have a built-in social network, and research shows that people who have a rich social life have a lower incidence of disease than those who are isolated and spend their lives alone."

In response to being asked whether there's any science behind this, he answers: "There are more than 1,200 studies published in mainstream medical journals that show a profound connection between spiritual practices and health and longevity. They indicate that spiritual people have a lower incidence of all the major diseases -- heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc. -- and live an average of 7-13 years longer than those who don't follow any spiritual path."

At Stanford University, Frederic Luskin, Ph.D. leads a workshop and class series on "Learning to Forgive." Luskin is also the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, and the author of "Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness," linked here. According to his bio:

"Dr. Luskin presents the forgiveness training methodology that has been validated through six successful research studies conducted through the Stanford Forgiveness Projects.

Prior to the current surge in research interest the importance of practicing forgiveness was extolled in both religious and psychological traditions.  Recently, Dr. Luskin’s and other’s research has confirmed its virtues in the promotion of psychological, relationship and physical health.  Forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead to greater feelings of optimism, hope, compassion and self confidence.

Dr. Luskin’s work combines lecture with a hands-on approach to the ancient tradition of forgiveness.  Participants explore forgiveness with the goal of reducing hurt and helplessness, letting go of anger and increasing confidence and hope as they learn how to release unwanted hurts and grudges. His presentations explore the HEAL process of forgiveness that, when learned, can lead to enhanced well-being through self-care. In class practice may include guided imagery, journal writing and discussion all presented in a safe and nurturing environment. Dr. Luskin holds a Ph.D. in Counseling and Health Psychology from Stanford University."

For those interested in learning more about Dr. Luskin and the Stanford Forgiveness Project, click here. 

Editor's note: This beautiful stained-glass masterpiece by former Army medic John Knott is available as stretched canvas 11 x 14" prints, for $100 each. Email the artist at pappaknotts @ sbcglobal dot net to purchase.

The "Moving Meditation" of Qi Gong -- One Veteran's Opinion on How it Helps

I asked a Vietnam combat vet, Marine, three purple hearts, shot five times and left for dead, star of the "Eyewitness to Combat" segment of this site, who's been doing Qi Gong lately, what he liked about it -- and how he would describe it to a fellow vet. Here's what he said, verbatim:

"Are you tired of feeling miserable every day and dragging your ass around? If you are, I've got something that takes 24-28 minutes, doesn't require any exertion/doesn't feel strenuous, will give you energy all day long and change your whole attitude!"

He's been doing it pretty faithfully lately, and losing weight -- possibly another of its many benefits, since it appears to work on metabolism. I asked him how he felt about having skipped a few days, unavoidably. "I missed it!" he said; adding, "I got lethargic, lazy, and listless; lacked energy; and my joints started hurting again. I missed the peace that it creates as well..." He also said, "I like Qi Gong because it gives me energy; it gives me a sense of well-being; it actually calms me down; and actually makes me feel good. It's almost like a narcotic, but a very pleasant one. It's not overwhelming; but it  has a very subtle calming -- and -- energizing effect. It gives me energy without psyching me up and getting me hyper. About halfway through, I start feeling really relaxed and good and then I don't want to stop."

Now that's what I call a ringing endorsement :-) Remember, YMMV -- "Your mileage may vary" -- and also, be sure to check with your healthcare practitioner before beginning any exercise program. That said, Qi Gong is probably one of the more mellow, but useful, exercises you could begin.

Last month, Jane Brody, who writes about health for the New York Times, had an article called "A Downside to T'ai Chi? None That I See" about a counterpart exercise to Qi Gong. (That article is linked here.) "After reviewing existing scientific evidence for its potential health benefits," she writes, "I’ve concluded that the proper question to ask yourself may not be why you should practice tai chi, but why not." (The rest of her article is well worth reading.)

Says Brody, "There is no question that tai chi can reduce stress. As the study authors described it, tai chi “combines meditation with slow, gentle, graceful movements, as well as deep breathing and relaxation to move vital energy (called qi by the Chinese) throughout the body.” She continues, "If nothing else, this kind of relaxing activity can lower blood pressure and heart rate, improve cardiovascular fitness and enhance mood. ... Regular practitioners of tai chi report that they sleep better, feel healthier and experience less pain and stiffness, though it cannot be said for certain that tai chi alone is responsible for such benefits."

So there are two choices, among several others, for "moving meditations" that provide health benefits and relaxation. I've been enjoying watching how much this combat vet has enjoyed Qi Gong, though, so I thought I'd ask him for his own opinion on it. As someone who's done both T'ai Chi and Qi Gong, I think Qi Gong is easier and more accessible; the vet seemed to agree, because he found it easier to learn and also required lower overall fitness, yet still produced benefits. The most important thing of all is finding an exercise that produces value that you can incorporate regularly. Like healthful eating, these practices don't help if you don't do them; so find one that works for you and make it a part of your lifestyle.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

Creating a Personal Practice -- Something Good You Can Do for Yourself, Today

"Your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing," wrote Abraham Lincoln, and it's easy to believe he was right.

 From the first of January this year, I've been trying to make daily Qi Gong a practice of my own, and where and when I have a chance to introduce it to others as well -- combat vets with PTSD, or MST and PSTD -- I do. And they seem to like it, much as I do.

There are many good personal practices, from meditation, to yoga, to T'ai chi, to Qi Gong, to spirituality. The important point is to find one, and practice it.

Back in the days when I wrote about health and medicine for a living, I remember comments practitioners would make about patients they  had who took little personal responsibility for their own health. It was almost as though they saw their bodies -- and accompanying aches and pains -- as suits of clothing they could take off, hand to a health care practitioner for "fixing" -- and get back when the practitioner was done. The practitioners who expressed their frustration with this type of patient were alluding to what they were missing: the sense that they played a very important role in their own health, and not to overlook that, or overly and unnecessarily abdicate their own responsibility there in favor of investing too much authority (and wisdom) in the practitioner. Not every practitioner is that humble or insightful, of course, but the frequency of this observation made an impression on me.

A few months ago I was at a retreat for veterans and their families, many of whom came seeking "tools" to help with their fairly-apparent but mostly-undiscussed PTSD. They were frustrated that the tools seemed to be missing from the retreat, whose focus was community-building, instead. But what I noticed was that when the tools were offered -- meditation and qi gong were -- few vets took advantage of them, even or especially among the ones who complained the loudest. Older vets, yes, and family members did; but not the youngest, most vocal vets. Among the older ones, though, who perhaps had been waiting longer in the wings for help that wasn't forthcoming, there appeared to be more humility and openness. One vet enjoyed the peace that qi gong was bringing him from his emotional woes; another enjoyed how meditation gave him space to quit focusing on a chronic, painful physical ailment quite so much.

Which brings me back to the low-key delightful function of creating room for a personal practice in your day. No matter what you choose, it's one more way to take responsibility back for your own well-being, and do something that can only add to your overall peace of mind, sense of purpose and discipline. Frequently, it can also help with stress management, which in turn raises immunity. So doing well (and staying well) by doing good...for yourself...is a real possibility. Explore some personal practices that can help add life to your life today. You'll be glad you made the effort.

Editor's note: This is my outdoor qi gong "studio" -- a DVD on a chair. And it's lovely.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

Healing the Inner Self -- Hard Work but Essential for Freedom

"Spirituality is a process of inner healing. The wounds of the past can be the greatest obstacles for self-cultivation unless we find them all and heal them. This task can take years, but we must accomplish it." -- Deng-Ming Dao, 365 Tao.

"Fighting Fair" vs. "Picking Your Battles" with a Combat Vet with PTSD

Everyone needs a friend like Kathie Costos. Kathie is my go-to person when I have questions about how to communicate with -- read, resolve conflicts with -- the combat vets with PTSD in my life. (She's also known as "Nam Guardian Angel" -- she's married to a Vietnam vet, Jack, with PTSD, and she's written a book about the experience, as well as created innumerable blog posts, videos which are widely disseminated on PTSD, and probably had enough conversations with spouses and family members to save a small army herself.)

Best of all, she's an absolute fount of wisdom, whose advice is spot-on, and comes from the trenches: 28 years of loving, and 26 years of being married to, a combat vet with PTSD herself. Very wise and compassionate lady, whose friendship and advice I treasure (and who I've been lucky enough to be able to meet in person). I thought I'd share her side of a recent email dialog we were having. As she puts it, she's giving advice to her younger self -- the advice she wishes she'd had, decades ago, but had to figure it out the hard way.

Her conversation is flecked with spirituality, but of a kind that even someone non-religious, or irreligious, can handle. It's golden-rule spirituality, and common sense heartfulness, that is so very rare indeed. Here she goes -- the context was "giving up" because "I can't win." She wisely responded:

"Winning depends on which battle you choose to fight.  Twenty years or so ago, I gave up on a lot of battles. My husband had changed from "best friend" to opposition and I was tired of giving up my life in all of this.

It was during a time when it didn't matter if I lost or gained 20 pounds, cut my hair shot or just let it grow, moved furniture around or let the apartment get dirty.  Nothing was noticed by him.  It was also the time I noticed that he was showing symptoms of OCD, focused on something's like a pit bull not letting go and basically worrying about not having anything to worry about.  It was one needless fight after another until I surrendered on certain things that had more to do with my ego than anything else.

I stopped letting my self worth be determined by his mood.  Not to say that I did any of this perfectly but what I couldn't "win" on was not a battle I was willing to fight anymore.  I got happier.

The more you learn about what PTSD is and what it does, the more you will be able to adapt and find your own "life" in all of this.  I spend most of the time happy when we share parts of our individual lives together but not regretting when we do our own thing.  He's welcome to spend time in my world but I won't give it up anymore when doesn't want to go there.  He's welcome to come where I go but I don't change plans or let it hurt me that he isn't there.  There was so much that I gave up to stay with him but the things I need, I fight for and the rest really didn't matter enough to go to war with him over.

Mood swings, ambivalence and neglect should only be allowed to go so far and then it comes into unacceptable behavior and you have to let him know that.  If he wants you in his life, he has to open the door to let that happen.  There are still times when my husband gets the best of me because no one is perfect in this but spiritual healing took a lot of the anger/blame/shame away.  Much of coping skills with PTSD comes close to AA and allowing a "higher power" take over some things in order to live again.

As he healed it was important to let go of the past negative feelings, hurt, disappointment and regrets. Hanging onto them would have filled me up with so much junk that I wouldn't have had room for what was good being returned to our lives.  It took good old-fashioned faith and what Christ taught me so that I could forgive him as well as myself.  For others, they can turn to their own spiritual healing by turning it all over to their own "higher power" to let it go so they make room for the good stuff to come back into them."

-- Kathie Costos, Senior IFOC Chaplain, DAV Auxiliary Chapter 16, independent PTSD Consultant

Her blog, linked here.

Her website, linked here.

Her downloadable PDF book, "For the Love of Jack," about life with her husband, a Vietnam combat vet with PTSD, linked here.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

 

Breaking the Chains ... of Habit

I haven't seen much written in the literature about this, but it seems common-sensical that it would be a problem.

Let's say you manage to make some headway in your struggle with combat-based PTSD. You learn some techniques, some tools, etc., you maybe even experience some true "healing" which takes some of your symptoms away. Life seems suddenly better, brighter, with the possibility that future days will bring only...more of the same enlightened (literally, "lighter") outlook. And yet, setbacks happen. Arguments, bad behavior, outbursts of anger, troughs of depression. What is going on? Hasn't the "healing" actually happened? Has all been for naught?

Here's my impression, and it's only my impression. But to quote an unusual source (moneyman Warren Buffett), "The chains of habit are too tight to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken." Sometimes what seems like PTSD behavior could actually be "just" falling into the same old ruts, communicating in the style you've been accustomed to, complete with its pitfalls, errors and habitual failures. While sparring spouses -- and significant others -- might want to blame PTSD for the problems; perhaps it's more accurate to place the blame on bad communication styles, or bad habits of communicating, that would benefit from being evaluated and overhauled for the better.

Earlier this year I got to spend a wonderful week at a clinical training for PTSD put on by the National Center for PTSD (VA). It was absolutely superb. And as part of it, we got to go to several class and recreational sessions at the men's residential (inpatient) PTSD program at the VA at Menlo Park. They were also impressive, on many levels, from the quality of the instructors, to their level of rapport with the residents, to the residents themselves, and how hard they were working on "their stuff." I can only speak for myself but I think we all left very impressed with the program and the staff, and absolutely rooting for the participants to overcome their challenges. (Since then I've also met some great graduates of the program there, as well as recommended the program to many others.)

One of the highlights was seeing a class of combat vets with PTSD work on "communicating and conflict resolution skills." We learned some of the material beforehand in an excellent class taught by a longtime social worker with the VA. Then, we saw the guys in action putting the techniques into practice, which was very compelling indeed. There were five main communication "skill sets" they were practicing: something called "5-column," "active listening," "disarm and empathy," the "DESC script," and "skills integration." It would take another series of articles to describe more fully what each of those skills were, but in the meantime, what I want to mention is that these skills, in their own way, are the present-day version, at another cutting-edge VA program, of what the "star" of the "Eyewitness to Combat" section learned in his VA inpatient program, many years ago. Only then some of the focuses were on learning red flags and triggers, and fair fighting for couples, etc. ALL these skills, whether then or now, are useful, pro-active, helpful stuff, and they can change a person's life for the better when they're used.

Apparently the program in Menlo Park unfortunately can't track results of participants much beyond a few months' out because of limited funding, but it would be interesting to see how graduates use these skills to succeed in their day-to-day lives, where miscommunications and misunderstandings are a regular part of everyone's lives. What I was grateful to see in the program was guys being able to literally "break down" communication into its component parts and "build back up" the skills necessary to keep their cool when conflict was happening. I hope for everyone's sakes they're actually doing this back in their regular lives once they graduate, because there is a great need for successful conflict resolution skills in this arena.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

Quotable Quotes -- Larry Pence on Making a Difference

“There are people who go through their entire lives and never help another individual," says Larry Pence, adding "Don’t be one of them."

-- Pence is a retired Army command sergeant major who volunteers regularly with various veterans charities, including U.S. Army Caisson Platoon Equine Assisted Programs in Washington, D.C. (Read more about that, here.)

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

The Secret Which Hides in Plain Sight

 Some wisdom for -- and from -- the ages:

"You could tell the secret of life ten times over, and it would still be safe. After all, the secret is only known when people make it real in their own lives, not when they simply hear it." -- The Tao.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." -- James 1:22, New International Version.

"We dance round in a ring and suppose. But the Secret sits in the middle, and knows." -- Robert Frost.

Apropos of nothing in particular, these sayings have been on my mind today. Partly because much of what has been known about combat-based PTSD has been known since at least the 1970s, and partly because some of the behavioral modification techniques that frankly make life easier for the sufferers and their caregivers are also just that -- common sense. I think of how much collective wisdom the sufferers of PTSD and their spouses or significant others, family members, caregivers, etc., have -- and how little is probably put into practice.

What we know about how to improve lives with PTSD, whether through bodywork, mind-body medicine, CBT, PET, behavioral modification techniques, spirituality, consistent use of appropriate medication -- and successful combinations thereof -- still need to be APPLIED on a daily basis to bring any true relief at all. Not just thought about, contemplated, agreed with. In that regard, both the Tao and the Bible (above) are in agreement: merely hearing, or thinking about something, doesn't bring improvement. Doing it does. Go forth and conquer :-)

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

There's "Room at the Inn" for Veterans and Their Loved Ones on November 10th

More about the good work of innkeepers celebrating military and veterans, which we talked about yesterday, here. From today's mailbag:

Veteran's Day is Turning Into a Reciprocal Chain of Kindness

Hundreds of Bed and Breakfasts Give Veterans a Free Night; Restaurants, Others, Chime In

NEW YORK, Oct. 13 _ An effort of good will started by the bed and breakfast community to offer a free night stay to veterans on Veteran’s Day is turning into a reciprocal chain of kindness, pay-it-forward-style. Now hundreds of bed and breakfasts have offered complimentary rooms. Meanwhile, restaurants, even massage therapists have joined the effort, offering everything from free meals to free pampering. It seems an ember of kindness can spark into a really big deal.

“There’s a basic human emotion called moral elevation. When we see acts of service, sacrifice, and generosity, it moves us. Such acts give us a warm feeling in our chest and motivate us to do good deeds ourselves,” explained Jonathan Haidt, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and author of two books on positive psychology. Haidt, who actively studies positive emotions, such as elevation, admiration, and awe says kindness can be contagious. “Many of us in America are elevated by the sacrifice and service of our veterans. A natural expression of this is the desire to do something good for them, to call attention to the service they’ve done for us,” he said.

The bed and breakfasts were the first group to come together, teaming up to offer a free night’s stay to veterans on Wednesday, November 10th, the night before Veteran's Day.  Men and women currently serving or those who have previously served our country are eligible for a complimentary stay at a participating inn. The only requirement for these rooms is a valid military identification. Veterans can obtain an I.D. from the Veterans Administration.

The program, started in 2009 by the West Virginia B&B Association used to include about a dozen inns. This year it’s grown dramatically to more than 600 inns, 40 states, plus other countries. Gillum House Bed & Breakfast and The Thomas Shepherd Inn sponsor the site that lists participating inns at www.bnbsforvets.org. So much changes each day that the Thomas Shepherd Inn has found it challenging to timely mark inns as “full” and add new properties. Not to mention, ready for guests at the inn now and prepare for veterans coming to stay there too; the inn has contributed three rooms to the promotion. Jill and Wade Linger, a veteran Air Force computer programmer, will be in one of them. “I read about it in the newspaper,” said Wade. “I thought it would be a great idea, something different to do with my wife.” (For more info on the Thomas Shepherd Inn, click here.)

Mass emails to veterans, social media, and press have made it possible for vets to learn of the program, it’s also made it hard to turn them away. Jan Leksich, owner of the Victoria Resort Bed & Breakfast in South Haven, Michigan initially planned to set aside one room at the inn for a veteran. “The calls kept coming. I booked five of my nine rooms for veterans. It’s a big chunk out of my inventory but what can I say? I have a soft spot." Leksich’s father was a veteran, as is her best friend’s husband. “I feel it’s the least that I can do,” she said. The Victoria Resort B&B is now offering vets that missed the free room a buy-one-get one night free the following week Sunday through Thursday. (For more info on the Victoria Resort B&B, click here.)

At the White Cedar Inn in Freeport, Maine, innkeepers Monica Kissane and Rock Nadeau have donated all of their rooms to the cause, and then went a step further and called local restaurants trying to get their soon-to-stay vets some complimentary meals. “We approached some restaurants and three said they would foot the bill for the service person’s dinner,” said Monica. Now Azure Café, Jameson Tavern, and Grittys Brew Pub are pitching in on this wonderful effort too.  (For more info on the White Cedar Inn, click here.)

“We’re over here trying to make a living and they’re over there fighting for our freedom, trying to take care of us. When our veterans need a break Jameson Tavern wants to be able to help out,” explained dining room manager, Carol Brown, who took the call from Monica weeks ago.

An update on MyMilitaryMommy.com alerted Tricia Knack to the promotion. She and her husband Tyler, an inspector general with the Air Force scheduled to deplane in Baghdad in January, are planning a visit to theTimmermann House Bed and Breakfast in Aviston, Illinois. When Sandy Timmermann first got the call she took the reservation but felt she needed to do more. “I immediately called the massage therapist that comes here to do massages for our guests, who jumped at the chance to participate with complimentary massages… then I called Popeye’s Chop House and spoke with the owner, he’s a vet too. The restaurant will offer its food buy-one at full price and the second at half price,” she said. The women who sell jewelry at the inn told Sandy to make sure Tricia chooses something she likes.

Masseuse Donna Rhoads who frequents the Timmermann House said the cause really hits home. “I have a son in San Antonio and he’s sixth generation Army. When Sandy called me out of the blue it just seemed like the right thing to do. For me it’s you give and God gives back. These people suffered and their families sacrificed everything and I think they deserve it,” said Donna, who is offering two-hour massages to both Tricia and Tyler. (For more info on the Timmermann House, click here.)

And though the promotion really lasts for a day, many inns have incorporated special discounts to service men and women throughout the year. For more information on military specials visit the Salute Our Heroes specials page on BnBFinder.com, linked here.

For a full list of inns participating in the bnbsforvets program visit http://www.bnbsforvets.org.

For more information on Veteran’s Day specials or bed and breakfasts for military personnel, visit BnBFinder.com or contact Maria Coder at 212.480.0414 x 16 or email press@bnbfinder.com . And tell them Healing Combat Trauma sent you! :-)

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About BnBFinder.com
BnBFinder.com is a comprehensive online bed and breakfast directory, providing site visitors with more than 130 search categories, including availability, price, location, and local attractions. Founded in 1998, BnBFinder.com was the first directory to offer advanced interactive technologies, including RSS feeds, a blog, downloadable content for mobile devices, and guest reviews. BnBFinder.com is a 5-Star Rated directory with thousands of B&Bs, inns, and small hotel listings from all over the world.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

Quotable Quotes -- Mahatma Gandhi on True Inner Peace

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances." -- Mahatma Gandhi

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

Bed and Breakfasts "Salute our Heroes" on November 10th

What are you and your significant other doing on November 10th? Here's an idea from the mailbag, today -- and certain gracious bed and breakfast owners across America:

"Hundreds of bed and breakfasts across the country are teaming up to offer a free night’s stay to veterans on Wednesday, November 10th, the night before Veteran's Day. Men and women currently serving or those who have previously served our country are eligible for a complimentary stay at a participating inn.

The program, started in 2009 by the West Virginia B&B Association has grown to include over 40 states and more than 600 inns. For a full list of participating bed and breakfasts visit www.bnbsforvets.org. The only requirement for these rooms is a valid military identification. Veterans can obtain an I.D. from the Veterans Administration.

Innkeepers’ appreciation for our men and women in uniform continues year round and packages honoring our heroes can be found by clicking here.  For example, the Andon-Reid Inn Bed and Breakfast in Waynesville, North Carolina has created a special promotion where two active military couples in need of a special getaway may send an email or letter and qualify to win an all-inclusive two day getaway (Sunday-Thursday, non-holiday) starting mid-March. The stay includes signature candlelit breakfasts, snacks throughout both days, and free use of the inn’s fitness studio and sauna, among other perks. All letters from interested participants must be received no later than February 1, 2011. One letter per person is allowed. (For more details visit Andon-Reid, linked here.)

• Andon-Reid is participating in the free night’s stay this November as well but the inn is now fully booked. In the meantime, BnBFinder.com has put together a sampling of inns that, at press time, still had availability for a free night for military service people on November 10^th:
• The Candlelite Inn in the heart of the scenic Lake Sunapee Region is offering a free night’s stay to men and women with heart – aka veterans and active military personnel. Located in historic Bradford, New Hampshire this Victorian inn features a parlor with a cozy fire, games, and complimentary apple cider. It’s also minutes to major ski areas, restaurants, and seasonal outdoor activities. The inn serves a full three-course breakfast daily, including homemade dessert, jellies and jams, and freshly baked muffins and pies. 
• The Huffman House at Creekside Farm in Newport, Virginia is offering a free night stay for active and retired military personnel to show its appreciation. The Huffman property features three historic buildings, including the inn, an early nineteenth century barn and a farmhouse built in the 1800s, which was remodeled in 1906. The inn, listed on the national register of historic places, is still a working farm. It sits on 61-acres of streams, ponds, and pastures, with abundant wildlife. Despite its old time appeal, Huffman is minutes from downtown Blacksburg and modern day conveniences.

For more inns participating in the B&Bs for vets program and those offering special deals, discounts, and add-ons for uniformed heroes visit the BnBFinder.com "Salute our Heroes" page, linked here. 

Editor's note: For a full list of which B&Bs are participating, and their vacancy status, by state, click here.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

Unchain My Heart: The Combat Vet on PTSD and Life In and Out of the Bunker

"Unchain my heart, set me free...I live a life of misery." So sings British rock and blues legend Joe Cocker in his 1987 hit, "Unchain My Heart." But the same could be said by a combat vet with PTSD, confined to life in his bunker, a place of protective, yes, but also severely limiting isolation. A life of misery...perched just at the periphery of a full and engaged life with family and friends that the veteran often wishes he or she could still have.

This summer, one such combat vet -- the star of the "Eyewitness to Combat" series whose transformation is chronicled in the short film, "A Veteran's Healing Journey," linked here -- wrote a series of articles about life in the bunker.

Because they've been widely circulated, and apparently have been of great help to various veterans who've read them, we're putting them together in a series, below, for easier reading:

• "Going to the Bunker: A Combat Veteran with PTSD on the Purpose of Protective Isolation";
• "Busting Out of the Bunker at Last...Made to Be Social Beings, We Die in Isolation"; and
• "Out of the Bunker and Walking Back to Life."

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 © 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

Quotable Quotes -- Carlos Castaneda on the Path and Heart

"Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use." -- Carlos Castaneda (1925 - 1998).

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

PTSD and MST Affect Men, Women Servicemembers and Veterans Alike

A few months ago, I attended the week-long clinical training program in post-traumatic stress disorder (“PTSD”) at the National Center for PTSD in Menlo Park (Veterans Administration) as well as the “Brain at War” conference in San Francisco, put on by the Department of Defense. Both made clear how much money is being spent on research ($500 million) but as for success stories, they can be hard to find. PTSD affects veterans, their families and communities; it can also lead to suicide.

Current statistics show an active duty suicide every 36 hours, and that 18 veterans a day die by their own hand. Suicides are on the rise in every branch of the military that’s seen heavy combat in the current wars -– Marines, Army, National Guard -- and so far this year, there have been more suicides than combat deaths. 

The problem extends to women veterans as well. According to the American Psychiatric Association, “Women veterans are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than nonveteran women” -- and also die at a younger age, “between 18 and 34.” 

Clearly the problem is serious and troubling. But suicide is also the final step on a journey of misery, pain and despair that can potentially be halted earlier, by intervention that increases a veteran’s chances of survival and success.

Five years ago, after writing about integrative medicine for years, I created the nonprofit Healing Combat Trauma, a website devoted to therapeutic resources for veterans with combat-based PTSD. Today, that’s becoming an actual program to lead combat vets with PTSD through, using integrative medicine -- “the best of East and West” -- to help them recover from the scars of war. 

Two years ago last week, a combat vet, Marine, who’d served in Vietnam, and suffered TBI from explosions and a head wound, as well as 40 years of severe, chronic PTSD, flew out to meet me, and together we went around the country, experiencing specific therapeutic modalities in the hands of experienced practitioners that were targeted to address his PTSD. (Watch "A Veteran's Healing Journey," here, for more of his story.)

Initially actively suicidal, once his symptoms receded, so did his threats of suicide. He had gotten his life back, and was eager to stay involved in it. And the cost of helping him reverse his symptoms, and improve his quality of life? Under $10,000, including travel, lodging, and practitioner visits.

As much attention as PTSD receives in the media, military sexual trauma (“MST”) – which frequently leads to PTSD – receives even less. A more taboo subject, MST affects roughly the same number of men and women, approximately 60,000 each, between 2002-2008, despite their disproportional numbers in the services. 

According to the VA, “Approximately 1 in 5 female patients … reports MST,” and MST is associated with “increased risk for mental health conditions including PTSD, depression and substance abuse disorders.” VA reports the prevalence of MST among OEF/OIF veterans is 15.1% among females, but anecdotally the figures are much, much higher, typically under-reported because of shame and fear of reprisal.  And MST leads strongly to PTSD. Among Gulf War veterans, for example, women who suffered MST were at 5x higher risk of contracting PTSD.

But for a sense of the human toll, read how one young woman soldier expressed her misery, after multiple sexual assaults in a single deployment in Iraq, followed by a suicide attempt: 

“I remember so many things I want to forget. I remember once upon a time I was a real person. Then I was a soldier. Now I am a ghost.”

Earlier this summer, another young woman combat veteran, Angela, with whom I’ve become friends, spent time staying out here, around our both attending a local retreat for veterans and their families. Angela has MST and PTSD, and a service dog to help her manage her PTSD symptoms. 

Even in the brief time she visited, taking her to practitioners chosen to help her recovery, she was able to reduce her smoking by half, and said she couldn’t remember when she’d felt so relaxed – certainly not since she’d experienced combat. (A former Army sergeant, she’d been in Baghdad during the surge in 2003.)

A few years earlier, Angela had attended the VA’s “cutting-edge” program for women vets with MST. The program housed the women vets –- all of whom had experienced sexual assault -- in a men’s homeless shelter(!). The stress of that experience was so great, Angela said, that her fellow attendees all relapsed into substance abuse. She credited her own experiences with integrative medicine as what kept her, barely, on the path. Out here this summer, she was able to expand those options further, in positive ways that continued to help her heal. 

Now we want to offer that opportunity to more women veterans (and later, men) in a pilot program. Please help us do that.

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© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

Quotable Quotes -- The Dalai Lama on Compassion and Meaning

It's hard not to love the Dalai Lama. Here's another one of his recent quotes that just makes so much sense. It's also something we try to follow around here at Healing Combat Trauma. Helping others heal is compassion in action. And it truly does make our lives more meaningful. Please support our work with veterans. Thank you.

"Compassion is one of the principal things that make our lives meaningful. It is the source of all lasting happiness and joy." -- the 14th Dalai Lama.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.