Healing Combat Trauma

Anatomy of a PTSD Suicide: Orrin McClellan Was "Only Halfway Home" from War

"Happy families are all alike," wrote Leo Tolstoy, the famous Russian novelist (and combat veteran), in the opening lines of "Anna Karenina," adding, "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." And certainly few families are unhappier than those who've lost someone they love deeply to suicide, as Orrin McClellan's parents have, who've recently lost their Airborne soldier son to the aftermath of PTSD.

We wrote about Orrin McCllelan yesterday, the 25-year-old OEF veteran who took his own life in May of this year. The article, "Anatomy of a Suicide: OEF Veteran Orrin McClellan, RIP from PTSD," is linked here. The underlying Seattle Times article, also from yesterday's paper, is very good, and combines multimedia with the telling the story of McClellan's all-too-short life and struggle. It also documents the pain and suffering McClellan's parents are going through.

There is no "purple heart" for PTSD. There is no "war memorial" that lists those who died by suicide from PTSD, even when combat was the most likely explanation. And maybe there should be... But in the meantime, all we can do is try to reconstruct what we can find about who Orrin McClellan was in the 25 short years he was here.

Digging around on the Web, we can find out much about who McClellan was. The exercise becomes less macabre, or voyeuristic, than the assembling of an online shrine to the memory of someone we never knew, who's now too soon gone. There are the two online journals that McClellan kept, at MySpace and LiveJournal. There is his photo stream on Flickr. There is an obituary by a caring friend, who attended his memorial service. There is McClellan's listing at an online dating service, "Hot or Not," which he set up when he was in Afghanistan, and elsewhere pans with the single word, "whatever." There are some videos that a friend shot of him, who mourns his passing and wishes he had captured a few more shots of McClellan while he was still alive. There are the photos and the poems that his family shared with the Seattle Times, that are part of the original article. And there is a truly beautiful video about his deployment to Afghanistan, called "They Carry," that McClellan himself pieced together, shown on YouTube, and set to music: not heavy metal, but classical...He uploaded it in late September, 2007, after he got back from Afghanistan, and it carries the interesting descriptor: "this generation's wars from eyes on the ground...the faces and names are placeholders. those who were there remember. the rest can only watch." WELL worth viewing...

His interests, as he discloses them on one of the two online journals he kept, are nothing out of the ordinary: places he's been, music he likes, hobbies: "airborne, american beauty, army, dave barry, death cab for cutie, flickr, glen phillips, haruki murakami, italy, langley, lava lamps, led zeppelin, military, muse, orbital, photography, pink floyd, quentin tarantino, seattle, the big lebowski, toad the wet sprocket, vicenza, washington, whidbey island."

There's his brief description of the key dates and places in his short life, again from an online journal:

"Born in Milwaukee, WI. But home is between the Cascades and Olympics on the Puget Sound. Grew up in Langley, on Whidbey Island, Washington. Enlisted in the Army in late '03, started Basic in Feb '04, Airborne School that June, got to Italy that July, and to Afghanistan Mar '05. Getting out Feb '07."

(In September of 2007, he uploaded the excellent video, "They Carry," of his time in Afghanistan.")

And then there are the news items about him, focusing on an arrest, locally. And what look like three court cases: in July of 2008, January of 2009, and September of 2009, listed on King County Superior Court's website.

In July of 2008, he was in the local paper, for assaulting some cops at a concert, allegedly threatening to kill them, gouging one of their eyes, and basically asking for them to shoot him. In October of 2008, he's back in the news locally, after being acquitted of assaulting and threatening police officers in the earlier event. He spent time as an inpatient at the VA for PTSD. He also lived too far away to make regular treatment a likelihood, and getting there, via a ferry trip and highway driving on I-5, was triggering.

His parents, who describe themselves as self-employed and dedicated (i.e., more available than most) seem to be doing everything in their power to help him, but he is melting down. The previous article, yesterday, describes some of the symptoms of his raging PTSD. The two articles in the local papers also detail the attempts his family made to get him help.

In one of the articles, his mother is quoted as saying, "We must not stop with research and development of the healing of visible wounds and helping the veterans become whole with prostheses for severed arms and legs. We have a responsibility to get just as expert at healing the inner wounds of the body, mind, emotions and spirit.”

She also goes right to the heart of the matter when she says, also quoting from those articles, "Our military is well-versed at training our sons and daughters to be experts in weapons, combat and killing, and distrust of the other, but they fail to complete their warrior training of our troops by failing to train them in the skills of regulating the emotional responses of the body, mind and spirit after experiencing the traumatic horrors and terrors of war, and in the skill of reintegrating into families and communities.” 

When she talks about her son's difficulties, she is very clear: "Our son, only halfway, came home from the war; half of him is still fighting over there, within his body, mind, heart and soul,” Gorman said. “Every day, all the time.”

Unfortunately, on May 18, 2010, Orrin McClellan lost that fight. And his family, and everyone concerned about combat veterans and PTSD in America, grieves with them.

Anatomy of a Suicide: OEF Veteran Orrin McClellan, RIP from PTSD

The Seattle Times has an article in yesterday's paper about a young Whidbey Island OEF veteran who unfortunately killed himself in May of this year. Orrin Gorman McClellan served with the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team in Afghanistan in 2005-2006. He took a lot of photos of his experience in Afghanistan, and he also wrote, poignantly, about his experiences as a soldier in an online journal, where he wrote every day. (The article doesn't reveal the location of that journal.) In what's known in the journalism biz as a "package," the article also has two multimedia presentations included with it: a video of his parents leafing through a book they're putting together of poems Orrin wrote, linked here, and a video narrated by his parents of some of his photography from Afghanistan, linked here. "I've become numb," McClellan writes, "but not comfortably so."

It's wrenching watching his parents in the videos sit side-by-side on the couch, in a tableau no doubt repeated across America, as the parents of the approximately 18 veterans a day who kill themselves must do, trying to make sense of why Orrin had to go, and still actively grieving, trying to come to terms with their own loss. In Orrin's case, his mother is a social worker, who the article says specializes "in the treatment of traumatized individuals." Of course, not even a mother with this background can necessarily save her son, which only adds to the tragedy. It says his mother even "took a counseling job with the Whidbey Island NAS and helped her son navigate through the VA system." He was retired with a 100% disability due to PTSD. The article quotes the mom as saying that as a community, we all need to listen better to our vets. And practice "deep listening" to their stories of what they've gone through.

What makes the article good, from this reader's perspective, is that it positions Orrin McClellan's death against the backdrop of the statistics of veterans suicides across the country, and then projects how those statistics affect Washington state, where the Seattle Times is based, and where Orrin lived. Eighteen deaths of veterans a day, the number of suicides approximating deaths in combat this year -- these are shocking statistics, but like so many others, we become numb to them over time. Bringing it closer to home, those same statistics mean of the almost 36,000 OIF and OEF veterans from Washington state, a dozen would be lost to suicide. In 2010, Orrin McClellan was sadly one of that number.

(Army veteran Chris Loverro, who served with the Stryker brigade from Fort Lewis, Washington, did a poignant video of his own about PTSD and suicide in the life of a veteran. We've shown it in a recent article, linked here.)

McClellan's mother, Judith Gorman, says that her son never really came all the way back home, because of his PTSD. Retired Army General Eric Shinseki, now head of the VA, is also quoted in the article, as ruminating -- perhaps not about McClellan's death in particular but about veterans' suicides in general -- that he often asks himself, "Why do we know so much about suicides, but so little about how to prevent them?" That's a fabulous quote, but it's also quite a profound question.

Edwin Shneidman, the so-called "father of suicidology" -- who ironically got his start leafing through files at the VA, reading suicide notes of veterans -- is someone we've written about a fair amount on this site. He's also known as the originator of the concept of a "psychological autopsy," where someone, reasoning backwards from the fact of the a person's death, tries to reconstruct the extent and timing of the stressors in that person's life, to determine how and why it became too much for them (the "when" having already been determined.)

I'm not sure, but I would hazard a guess that, other than the families of veterans who commit suicide, who are directly involved, there isn't much of an effort made on a larger level to reconstruct what stressors became unbearable in the lives of those who kill themselves, during or after military service. Perhaps a broader study into this, a la Shneidman's methods, would produce important or helpful conclusions.

McClellan's story is in many ways all too typical...except for the social worker mother, and the wonderful legacy he left behind in the poems he wrote and photographs he took. He struggled, as many veterans with PTSD do, with drugs and alcohol, with trying to fit back into his life, with impulse control, with hypervigilance, with nightmares, with combining alcohol with prescription medications, with grief and perhaps blaming himself over the deaths of two close friends. And he struggled with long drives to the VA, which was located quite a distance from his home.

His parents sound like amazing people, who tried so hard. They even established a Veterans Resource Center, on the island where they lived, "to offer referrals, networking and other assistance," to help other veterans in addition to their son. In the wake of his son's death, they may also publish a book of his writings, to raise awareness about PTSD.

Digging around on the Web, especially within social media, it wasn't hard to find some of McClellan's thoughts. He had two journals where he kept his writings, one on MySpace and one on LiveJournal. I've chosen not to link to them, to protect his privacy in case that's an issue. But in one he quotes from T.S. Eliot's famous poem, "The Hollow Men," which closes with the memorable lines about "this is how the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper."

It also contains an entry from September of 2008, while McClellan was actively struggling with PTSD, but a full year and a half before he ended his life. In an entry called "What the hell happened to me?" he writes:

"I read some entries in my journal from two years ago" 

[2006, the end of his Afghanistan deployment and beyond]

I love who I was.

Why did I do this to myself?

Was it war?

Did I implode from all the shit I saw?

Or was it something else?"

Questions really with no answer. He goes on for a bit more, and then concludes with the poignant question:

Why did I let myself

Get so lost?

RIP Orrin McClellan, gone too soon, and comfort to your family and your friends.

Editor's note: The photo is of a point on Whidbey Island, a thoroughly beautiful place in Washington state.

June 27, 2010 is "National PTSD Awareness Day"

Amazingly enough -- and suddenly, because the U.S. Senate just passed it -- tomorrow is "National PTSD Awareness Day." Even MORE amazingly, the text of the resolution is very veteran-focused (yippee!).

Here's the full text of the bill. Enjoy! My only quibble is that the numbers seem a little on the low side, but mebbe not. (Actually, the advocacy group Veterans for Common Sense, led by veteran and former VA bureaucrat, Paul Sullivan, lists the numbers as much higher. See link here for current information.)

And, of course, a focus on treatment through integrative medicine would also be nice. It alludes to, but does not mention directly MST (military sexual trauma), which plagues women and men in the Armed Forces AND which unfortunately also leads directly to PTSD. The combination is often too much to bear. With all those caveats, it's still a great bill, and we appreciate any and all emphasis on the topic, as beneficial to veterans, their loved ones, their caregivers, decision-makers, and the general larger community of humankind. 

Thanks especially are due the Vietnam veterans, who never gave up (you're still out there, I know! patiently waiting for it to be your turn; the media, for highlighting the problem and ensuring that greater awareness might result in better options for veterans and their communities; veterans' families, loved ones and employers, for not giving up on the veterans in their midst; and the legislators, who passed this bill and in so doing, created more national focus on the post-deployment adjustment difficulties of those who served. Thank you!

RESOLUTION

Designating June 27, 2010, as ‘‘National Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness Day’’.

Whereas the brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces, who proudly serve the United States, risk their lives to protect the freedom of the United States and deserve the investment of every possible resource to ensure their lasting physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing;

Whereas 12 percent of Operation Iraqi Freedom veterans, 11 percent of Operation Enduring Freedom veterans, 10 percent of Operation Desert Storm veterans, 30 percent of Vietnam veterans, and at least 8 percent of the general population of the United States suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (referred to in this preamble as ‘‘PTSD’’);

Whereas the incidence of PTSD in members of the military is rising as the United States Armed Forces conducts 2 wars, exposing hundreds of thousands of soldiers to traumatic life-threatening events;

Whereas women, who are more than twice as likely to experience PTSD than men, are increasingly engaged in direct combat on the front lines, putting these women at even greater risk of PTSD;

Whereas—

(1) from 2003 to 2007, approximately 40,000 Department of Defense patients were diagnosed with PTSD;

and

(2) from 2000 to 2009—

(A) more than 5,000 individuals were hospitalized with a primary diagnosis of PTSD; and

(B) more than 500,000 individuals were treated for PTSD in outpatient visits;

Whereas PTSD significantly increases the risk of depression, suicide, and drug and alcohol related disorders and deaths;

Whereas the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs have made significant advances in the prevention, diagnosis, and treatment of PTSD and the symptoms of PTSD, but many challenges remain; and

Whereas the establishment of a National Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness Day will raise public awareness about issues related to PTSD: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the Senate—

 (1) designates June 27, 2010, as ‘‘National Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness Day’’;

 (2) urges the Secretary of Veterans Affairs and the Secretary of Defense to continue working to educate servicemembers, veterans, the families of servicemembers and veterans, and the public about the causes, symptoms, and treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder; and

 (3) respectfully requests that the Secretary of the Senate transmit a copy of this resolution to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs and the Secretary of Defense.

Editor's note: And if you want to know why we do what we do, here it is. It can change someone's life. Here's how the Vietnam vet, Marine, subject of the "Eyewitness to Combat" section of this site, is doing after a year of addressing his 40-year solid case of chronic, severe PTSD. He came, he saw, he conquered. Other veterans can too. We give them HOPE. First awareness, then treatment, and the chance of getting their life back. (H)Oorah. (Here's the link.)

Starting in July, Georgia's Driver's Licenses Will Show That Veteran Has PTSD

In an unusual and progressive move nationally, the state of Georgia has passed legislation that effective July, 2010, veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can have that notification on their driver's licenses. Apparently some graphical symbol, as yet undisclosed, will clarify that the license-holder has PTSD. Read more about the legislation, here.

This seems to be a good idea, because it's important for law enforcement and first responders to know if the person they're stopping, arresting or treating has PTSD. It can make the experience go better for everyone involved, especially if coupled with training.

Editor's note: The image of the license here is just a Georgia driver's license sample, not how the proposed driver's license with PTSD notation will look.

Quotable Quotes -- Former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley on PTSD

Former U.S. senator Bill Bradley (D-NJ), NBA Hall of Famer, and Rhodes Scholar, had this to say in a commentary published in Vanity Fair today about PTSD. The occasion was the premiere of the Tom Hanks/Steven Spielberg/HBO miniseries, "The Pacific," about U.S. Marines in the Pacific during World War II, also getting screened privately at the White House today.

Bradley thinks there are several things that the president and the first lady should be thinking about while they watch the miniseries. One of those topics is PTSD. Says Bradley:

"Both The Pacific and Band of Brothers focus on the horrors of the war and the emotional trauma that a soldier or Marine can endure. P.T.S.D. should be treated with as much seriousness as a gunshot wound. If the president is going to send tens of thousands more troops [into combat], he also needs to consider the emotional payload. With suicide rates up among veterans -- accounting for 20 percent* of all suicides among Americans -- the government must dedicate more money to support programs for our returning troops."

Editor's note: If 8,000 veterans kill themselves every year, conservatively, and the national suicide rate is close to 34,000, according to the NIMH, the percentage of suicides who are veterans is closer to *25%. They also represent almost 50% of the homeless population. So yes, please, let's do that...and sooner rather than later...

(The full commentary is linked here.)

Two Retreats for Veterans This Summer and Fall in Upstate New York

For our 650th post -- my, how time flies! -- an item about two upcoming retreats that may be of interest to veterans and their families -- both to be held in upstate New York later this summer and early fall.

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For women veterans only, in mid-August, The Adirondack Women Veterans’ Reintegration Retreat 2009 will be held from Monday, August 10th to Wednesday, August 12th, 2009, at the Wiawaka Holiday House (a retreat center for women) on Lake George, New York.

Their program says, "The Adirondack Women Veterans’ Arts & Reintegration Retreat is open to any woman who has served our country in any branch of the military at any time. The retreat will focus on reintegration issues arising out of military service. We will provide a safe space to share experiences, learn from others who have served our country, gain skills that will enhance quality of life,  enrich a sense of self and sense of community and build a network with other women who have served our country.

Our retreats have become known as a place where women can connect with others and their inner selves. In many sessions, we have had people from the same community meet each other for the first time and discover new friends and support that they can maintain after they leave."

Click here for a link to that program or to register. Scholarships are available -- hurry! -- and the campus is drug- and alcohol-free.

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In mid-October, the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York will be hosting "The Costs of War, Violence and Denial" -- subtitled "A retreat open to veterans and their families" -- with Claude Anshin Thomas, who we've written about on this blog frequently.  Thomas is a Vietnam combat veteran, now Zen Buddhist monk, and the author of "At Hell's Gate: A Soldier's Journey from War to Peace," linked here. The retreat runs from Wednesday, October 21st through Sunday, October 25th. 90% of the cost is being underwritten for veterans and their families; the remaining 10% is the price of registration, and in some cases that may also be able to be waived.  The Institute asks that you register for the retreat by September 25th.  Click here for a link to information about the program and registration.

The Omega Institute notes: "This 5-day retreat with Claude Anshin Thomas is substantially funded. Scholarships cover up to 90% of tuition, meals, and accommodations. No one will be turned away. Complete scholarship details are available online or call 800.944.1001."

Editor's note: We've talked about Claude Anshin Thomas and his book before on the blog, here, here, here, here, and here. And thanks to all who let us know about these events -- Susan, Sue and Frances.

For One Veteran, Writing His Story is "An Act of Spiritual Renewal"

If you're a combat veteran and in the Buffalo, NY area, you might enjoy checking out the writers group at the VA Western New York Healthcare System.  Led by a Vietnam vet, "participants can share their stories and offer each other suggestions to improve the readability of their experiences. The group meets on the first and third Monday of every month from 1:30 to 3:30 p. m. at 3495 Bailey Avenue, Room 422b, Buffalo, NY 14215." All veterans "interested in writing their story" are encouraged to attend.

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We've talked about writing as catharsis before on this blog, many times, but the above item comes from an opinion piece called "Recording War Stories Allows Spiritual Renewal," published July 5 in the Buffalo News, and linked here.  In it, the unnamed veteran (maybe the print version of the story contains his name; the online version does not) says plainly, "We veterans should break our silence and write about the unspeakable events. I’ve written my stories and they’re more than just about me."

In the short opinion piece, he talks about the deaths of three of his friends in Vietnam, and how "documenting unspeakable memories" like these, "labeling those events and feelings with words and closing the cover" on those stories "is cathartic. The result is a spiritual renewal, a freedom that allows me to choose when to open and close the past while trying to live in the present."

Writing sounds like it's cathartic for this veteran, but it's also a concrete way for him to give honor to the lives of those he loved, and misses.

Virginia Not Just for Lovers This Summer: Also for Vietnam Veterans and Their Families

The Virginia Historical Society is pleased to offer free admission for everyone this summer! From June 6 to August 30, the VHS is displaying three exhibitions about the Vietnam era. The society is offering complimentary admission as a way to honor military personnel who served in the Vietnam War and their families.

On Display / Current Exhibitions:

• Soul Soldiers: African Americans and the Vietnam Era through August 30, 2009

Soul Soldiers: African Americans and the Vietnam Era explores the issues, actions, reactions, and expressions of life and culture of African Americans as they were affected by the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War. Over 160 artifacts, photographs, audio recordings, songs, oral histories, and an original documentary on display in this award-winning exhibition show how events in the 1960s helped frame African American political and social perspectives that extended beyond civil rights. The roles of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Colin Powell, Jimi Hendrix, and many others are explored, as well as the 9,000 women who served as nurses and in clerical and support positions during the war. Soul Soldiers was organized by the Senator John Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh, Pa.

• Marking Time: Voyage to Vietnam through August 30, 2009

Marking Time: Voyage to Vietnam features a cache of Vietnam War soldier art of striking importance and poignancy. Soldiers and Marines on the ship USNS General Nelson M. Walker, bound for Vietnam in 1967, inscribed graffiti phrases and images on the bottom sides of canvas bunks in the troop compartments. Men wrote their name and hometown, the date they expected to leave the service, and kept day-by-day calendars to mark the progress of the voyage. Original graffiti-covered canvases—discovered in the process of scrapping the vessel in 2005—display messages of patriotism, politics, humor, anxiety, and love. Marking Time was organized by the Vietnam Graffiti Project in Keswick, Va.

• A Vietnam POW's Story through August 30, 2009

Bring Paul Home: Phyllis Galanti and Vietnam War POWs is based on the collection given to the Virginia Historical Society by Richmond resident Phyllis Galanti. Her husband, Paul, was a lieutenant commander in the U.S. Navy when his plane was shot down over Vietnam on June 17, 1966. Mr. Galanti was a Prisoner of War (POW) until February 12, 1973. Pictures, letters, pamphlets, buttons, and posters from the donated collection show Mrs. Galanti's efforts, and those of the National League of Families of American Prisoners and Missing in Southeast Asia, to publicize the plight of their loved ones and to secure their release. "I think these exhibitions will be of interest to visitors, especially those who lived through the 1960s and 1970s, because they will be able to personally relate to the topics covered in all three shows," Levengood said. "It is the perfect opportunity for parents and grandparents to bring their children and grandchildren to learn about events that had a huge impact on American society, politics, and culture—and they can see it all for free!"

The Virginia Historical Society is located at 428 N. Boulevard, Richmond, VA 23220 Tel.: (804) 358.4901. The Museum is open from Tuesday–Saturday 10–5 and on Sunday 1–5 (galleries & shop only).

The Story of Virginia, An American Experience, a 10,000-square-foot exhibition with more than a thousand objects covering all of Virginia history from prehistoric times to the present is featured in the Robins Center for Virginia History. Hours: Tuesday–Saturday 10 am–5 pm and Sunday 1 pm–5pm (Museum Galleries and Shop only). Admission: $5/adults, $4/seniors 55+ ($2/Tuesdays–galleries only), $3/children and students, free/members. Admission to the galleries is free on Sundays. For group tour information, call (804) 342-9652. For more information, please call (804) 358-4901 or visit www.vahistorical.org.

Editor's note: For further information about these and other exhibits at the museum, please click here. (And thanks, Merri, for letting me know about this!)

Upcoming Seminar on Warrior Health: PTSD, Depression and TBI

The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc., presents:

A Center for Deployment Psychology Training Program:

"Addressing the Psychological Health of Warriors and Their Families: PTSD, Depression and TBI."

When: Mon 22 Jun 2009 through Fri 26 Jun 2009.

Where: The Cheyenne Mountain Resort, Colorado Springs, Colorado.

What: This intensive course, which is comprised of 4 modules, will train civilian mental health providers to better address the behavioral health needs of military personnel and their family members throughout the deployment cycle.

Who: The intended audience is civilian mental health providers who provide behavioral health care to the military population or military family members, including veterans and their loved ones.  This training is NOT intended for active duty military providers, but rather for civilian or private practice/community providers.

Supported by: Fort Carson Soldier Readiness Center, National Organization on Disability, Operation TBI Freedom and Regis University.

For more information about this upcoming seminar or to register online, click here.

Puget Sound Veterans Hospital Tries Meditation for PTSD

The Seattle Times reports in today's paper that a veterans hospital in the Seattle area is trying a version of mindfulness meditation for combat veterans with PTSD.  The article is called, "Seattle hospital teaches meditation to troubled vets," by Michelle Ma.  The eight-week course, which has been held for a year, has proved to be of some value to veterans, and current plans are to study the effects more in-depth. 

The article in the Seattle Times is linked here.

For links to other posts we've done about mind-body medicine, including meditation, and PTSD, click here.