It's safe to say that Patience Mason is a one-woman, cottage industry of helpful materials about dealing with PTSD. Married for umpteen years to a Vietnam veteran with PTSD (Robert Mason, author of Chickenhawk), Patience has learned many life lessons of tremendous value to veterans. Along with Kathie Costos, Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D., and a few others, Patience Mason is one of the women who've given the most to helping vets and their families to recover from "combat trauma." Read her helpful suggestions, below, and notice the emphasis on mind-body medicine, and in particular, mindfulness meditation.
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Since PTSD can also be triggered by subsequent events throughout the rest of your life, it is wise to learn how to heal. Many older veterans have lost their friends and families because of the struggle to hide symptoms and seem fine. The current war has also re-triggered PTSD symptoms in many older veterans because they remember. They know what you’re facing. If this has happened to you, don’t think treatment didn’t work. It worked before and it will work again. Go back for more.
Each symptom of PTSD develops from a bodily-based, God-or-evolution-given built-in survival mechanism, designed to keep you alive. We all have these survival mechanisms, and if we had been through what you have been through, we would also be affected. You learned these survival mechanisms under the hammer of war.
When you are ready to get better, you have to learn what they are, when and how they are useful, and new skills for when they are not. Each met a need, usually for survival, and finding other ways to meet your natural needs for safety and security is the job of recovery.
We also have built-in healing mechanisms. Attention (eye contact, being listened to, receiving empathy and respect), telling your story, safe touch, acceptance (bad things happen; they are painful), crying, making a contribution (working for the common good [altruism] and to support your family), justice, and spirituality are some of our built-in healing mechanisms. Our culture finds some of them awkward.
While avoidance strengthens and perpetuates PTSD symptoms, it is much less painful than the work of healing, especially if you have lost buddies, your sense of yourself as good or competent, and/or have shame or guilt or despair associated with the trauma as most people seem to. Somehow feeling like it is your fault, and if only you had done something, it wouldn’t have happened, makes you feel less powerless. The essential ingredient of trauma, however, is that it is overwhelming and you are powerless. No one can stop bombs or bullets with if-onlys. Many people spend their lives after trauma waiting and wishing for a better past, instead of working through the pain and anxiety for a better future.
Exposure is the basic task for healing PTSD. It teaches the parts of your brain that don’t speak English and can’t tell time that it is over. Exposure to what you are avoiding in small safe doses with a trained trauma therapist makes a huge difference. Often this is telling parts of your story again and again so that details come back and you can comprehend the whole experience. If you want to avoid these details because you think whatever happened was your fault, talking can help with that, too.
Most vets feel that if they ever let themselves feel, it would destroy them, but numbing bad feelings means the good ones are gone, too. Healing means you learn how to sit with a feeling and let it peak and fade, so you can process your memories. You went through hell. The feelings will hurt, but they will also pass eventually. Your therapist can teach you how to identify your feelings, that you are not your feelings, and that other people can have different feelings without either of you being wrong.
You can even learn to go in and out of numbing, since it can be handy, as can many of these survival skills. If you have developed an addiction to help you maintain numbness, you probably need to get clean, sober or abstinent from the substance or behavior.
The best way to deal with non-verbal memories is to move them from the non-verbal parts of the brain up to the frontal lobes and turn them into narrative memories, in other words: remember. Writing and rewriting something that happened to you is one way of doing it. Talk therapy is another. You get to tell your story. This is painful but you made it through the event, and you can make it through the memory.
For hyper-arousal, I always suggest basic un-training. Every soldier I’ve ever met thinks the military taught him to take care of himself. “Oh, really?” I often say, “So you used to say to your drill instructor, ‘Sorry Sergeant, I can’t do that. I need a nap.’” This usually gets a big laugh, but that is the kind of self-care you need to learn. After you have been to war, there are some things you simply can’t do. Sometimes it’s parties (don’t bunch up), cookouts (burning flesh), family fights. Sometimes it’s “Don’t ever come up behind me and grab me.” Whatever it is, learning to speak up is important. You have to learn self-soothing methods, so you’re not always yelling and angry.
You have to expose yourself to triggers in small safe doses, too, so they lose the power to trigger you. Learning that what triggers you is not necessarily dangerous here is also important, so your family doesn’t have to avoid your triggers.
Learning to meditate helps with these tasks and keeps you present in the present. The book Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn helped Bob a lot. He also reads Thich Nhat Hanh. [Editor's note: Claude Anshin Thomas likes his work very much.] You may also find ways to heal your body’s constant state of tension through somatic therapies or yoga.
You may have to heal your beliefs. During extremely traumatic events, such as having a buddy die in your arms, or get killed when you weren’t there, people often decide “I will never love anyone again” or “I should never have left” or “It’s my fault.”
Other beliefs that can interfere with healing and with everyday life include ideas like “Don’t talk about it,” “Only weaklings and whiners ask for help,” “You can’t trust anyone who wasn’t there,” and its converse, “You can (and must) trust anyone who was there.”
PTSD can make you feel totally out of control. By choosing to take new actions which have worked for others, you can regain that sense that you are in charge of your life.
-- Home from War, by Patience Mason.
