Healing Combat Trauma

Busting Out of the Bunker at Last...Made to Be Social Beings, We Die in Isolation

Following up on the "Bunker" post of the other day, about the protective isolation of the bunker for the combat vet with PTSD, it seemed high time to write "the rest of the story," about what the subject of "Eyewitness to Combat" sees now about the bunker mentality, and how and whether it's possible ever to overcome it. (So here's a picture of his bunker in Vietnam, to illustrate it.)

What follows are direct remarks from the vet, from a few weeks ago, about this exact topic. I'll add a few words where I have to, to keep the flow going, but the thoughts and the wording are his:

On the problem of the bunker:

"We are made to be social beings. We die in isolation. And that’s why when we withdraw into a hole, we are withdrawing into a grave -– just one that isn’t covered up yet.

With me I wanted to get out and I wanted to be with people. I wanted to enjoy my surroundings. I wanted to go to parties. I really did. I wanted to do that. But I had this deep ingrained fear that if I was around too many people, too long I would talk too much, say too much, and they would figure out who I really was, and not like me. And every place I went, it seemed that I was always pissing somebody off. Making somebody angry at me, and that rejection was more than I could handle. So it was easier for me to decide that I just hate everybody, and don’t want anybody around me but animals. And crawl back in my bunker, and hide. But then I would die there. Because what I really wanted to do was go back and be with people who cared about me, somebody who would love and accept me and who I could have fun with. Every time that something would draw me out of the bunker, I would do something stupid, have my PTSD moment, and have everyone around me direct me back to my hole.

We are supposed to be social; we are supposed to belong. For those of us who are Marines, we belong to one another, we belong to the Corps, we belong to the men who came before us, and the men who will come after us. We belong to something bigger than ourselves, and that’s what makes us Marines for life. This is not unique to the Marine Corps however; for we all have an innate, ingrained need to belong to something bigger than ourselves; to something that accepts our faults, that builds upon our good deeds, good qualities, that involves people. Be it religion, be it Indian culture, be it motorcycle clubs, be it national associations. We all have a need to belong. The problem arises in our isolation creating a void that is filled with the wrong associations/influences. For we WILL belong to something, good or bad; harmful or helpful. Churches prey on that need to belong. (We've both had bad experiences with churches, so we give the secret fist-bump to each other at this point.)  

Now, all veterans belong to one another. Their bond is in their service, that transcends the specific branches and time.

People go back in the bunker to heal, to hide from being hurt; or to hide from hurting others. They stay there and depression sets in; and they cannot get out by themselves. Someone has to physically go in and bring them out, just like (my guy friend, a Navy seal) did with me; just like you did with me.

He encouraged me; he listened to me; he understood me; he had been where I was. He said, "I don’t know how to help you; I love you; I care for you. But I know if you don’t want to do something, you wouldn’t do it. So what I want to do is share a dream with you that I’ve had since I got out of the Navy. Reasonable or not. But I need your help to do this. And when you feel like you can come out, call me. And he left a stack of papers about a foot high. I spent a week staring at them, and it interrupted my depression! And he'd put one of the most interesting articles on the very top. He had made me a part of what he was doing. I just wanted to be and do something that people wouldn’t hate me for; wouldn’t criticize me for. Because the aftereffect of ‘Nam was so bad, because we gave so much; and received so little. And we had done MORE than we could do over there. I just wanted to do something where people didn’t hate me."

(That Navy Seal friend is someone he'd previously helped himself; stood up for him so he wouldn't go to prison for his third arrest.) "I’m the one who walked in there and walked him out of his depression. Blood brothers, combat vets. He was a friend."

I mention the name of another friend of his, who he served with in Vietnam, who was injured on his same kill day/alive day, and who used to call him up to see if they could go be mercenaries in South America together. It all sounded like an elaborate, not so cleverly-disguised death wish. Very Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. When I first knew him, there was a real pull to that. Now, further down the healing path, not so much. I ask him about that guy. A lot more reasonable now, he reflects, though he knows the allure, "That’s not the way to go; it’s not the way to make you happy. It’s just another way to get yourself killed. Problem is, sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t."

How much time has he spent in his bunker over the years?

"Years. Probably spent 20% of my life in a bunker, hiding, wanting to die, not having the nerve to shoot myself; hoping that the diseases and the meds would finally do me in.

I just didn’t know how to be happy. There was no joy in my life. There’s no reason to live. My family used to ask me, 'How can you look at what you’ve done, and tell me that you have no purpose in life? You don’t understand.' Problem was, I didn’t understand. I did not know why I didn’t have the capacity to have joy, to love anyone or to have fun. I just know I’d tried religion, I’d tried everything the VA could throw at me, in-house therapy, group therapy, self-help, medication, I tried working myself to death, I tried getting rich, I tried doing stupid things to harm myself (go back into combat situations), where maybe if I revisited it; I tried going to The Wall; and something would just not allow to want to live, or be happy, or enjoy being in my life. I couldn’t look around and see the flowers, let alone smell them. All the roses in my life were wilted; not because they were, but because of my vision of them was wilted."

My self-esteem, my sense of self-worth, my self-pity, and sense of total uselessness overwhelmed everything else. No matter how hard I tried, everything I touched was going to turn to shit. I heard it from my dad, and then I began to believe it was a generational curse. A curse is only a curse if you decide it’s going to be a curse. I understand the Universe. I understand me and the necessity of believing in yourself and believing in others. Politically the world may seem like a shitty place; but it’s always seemed like a shitty place. World’s always been a bad place, and it’s always been full of good people, and bad ones. And we have the right to choose the ones that we’re with. And we have the right to choose whether we’re going to be happy or sad, or doing something that’s worthwhile or not. Money is essential but money’s not the end. Money is only the means to an end, and yet we lose that perspective.

I’m no longer willing to let other people and their misery dictate whether I’m happy or sad. It’s up to them to walk through that door. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, that they’d rather die than continue on. Then they’ll walk through that door and want help and accept it. As long as they have one ability to resist, they will."

We talk about two guys we know, combat vets from different eras -- Gulf War and Vietnam. Neither one seems to really "get" where they need to go with this recovery stuff. When they're doing well, they're broadcasting their healing to the world; when they're down, they're completely off the grid, hospitalized for suicidal ideation and attempts. My mind reels from this. I wish when they were doing better they'd put more time into actually finding a way out; not just broadcasting it, so their lows wouldn't have to be so low, since their highs seem...unnaturally, or at least unsustainably high. It reminds me of a friend who says, about people who complain but do not attempt to solve, "It must not be bad enough for them yet." 

He weighs in: "They haven’t lost ALL their resistance. One of two things happen when people reach that level: they either commit suicide, or they get help. What makes the difference? A friend. A friend who can walk in under that and take them by the hand and walk them out. Just like in combat, if you get wounded, you can’t walk yourself out. Someone to grab you by the nape of your neck and drag your ass out of there. You can’t do it by yourself."

He continues: "If vets who have been healed don’t go and get vets who haven’t, then no one else will. In this situation the Marine Corps phrase of “we take care of our own” is literal; if we don’t, no one else will: not the vet’s family, not his relatives; no one. Only a vet can walk out a vet."

But yet, I helped you...and I'm not a vet. But you came looking for the help, too. He replies, "But you were a friend, a sincere, concerned friend. A friend like that, another vet; not the government...."

Editor's note: The photo above is of the "Eyewitness to Combat" Marine with two of his buddies, very Three Musketeer-y, circa 1966 or 1967.

Victimology -- The Temptation to Stay Stuck

Every behavior has a potential payoff, or we wouldn't engage in them. This is particularly applicable to people who have suffered for years, not months, with their situation, and where the groove has most definitely become a rut.The subject of "Eyewitness to Combat" talks about how being a "f*cked-up Vietnam vet" was a mask he could wear at times -- not that those times were always under his control -- in order to get other people to back off or keep their distance. Carolyn Myss, author of the New Age classic, "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can," talks about how attached people can get to their "wounds" -- to the point that they introduce them almost immediately into conversations with strangers, or overly bond with their friends and companions over them, with the ultimate experience being that it becomes very difficult for them to move on. "Love me, love my wounds" seems to be an unspoken demand of those too attached to their victim-hood.

This isn't to say that everyone who suffers becomes a victim -- nothing of the sort. Or that everyone who flaunts their wounds, so to speak, is doing so intentionally. But for any of us who have suffered, it's important to examine the unconscious temptations behind victim-hood, lest we accidentally fall into the quicksand and get stuck. 

Bev Smallwood, Ph.D., has a book called, "This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me: 10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World." She talks about how different survivors of the same experience (say, Hurricane Katrina) might all suffer, but won't all adopt the same attitudes of victim, surviver or thriver. In a chapter entitled, "Poor me," she mentions several of the potential payoffs for over-identifying with the "victim" point of view: "'Victims' don't have to be responsible for their attitudes and actions;" "'Victims' get others' sympathy and support...for a while;" and "'Victims' feel self-righteous and justified." There's even a short quiz: "After all I've been through, I've learned that you just can't trust people;" "I admit that I have a tendency to blame others when things go wrong in my life;" "I often have pity parties;" "People have told me that I complain too much;" and "I feel angry when people try to get me to make personal changes and begin to move on. They just don't understand."

Contrast those self-defeating sentiments with those in the "Survivor's Pledge," which we wrote about several years ago, here: 

The Survivor's Pledge:

I will not be a victim.

I will rise above.

I will give back.

I will change the world.

There's also an ultra-fabulous chart comparing and contrasting the states of "victim," "survivor," and "thriver" -- with "thriver" being obviously the most desirable state, linked here. A wonderful OIF vet, with MST and PTSD, shared it with me a few months ago, and it's a keeper. When I shared it with the subject of "Eyewitness to Combat," another overcomer, he loved it too, and said, "PTSD is on the left, surviving is in the middle, and healing is on the right." As someone who's experienced all three states, that's how he chose to describe them... Not everyone is at the same place in their healing trajectory, but at the very least, it could serve as some inspiration for what improvement would look like, and how to get there...incrementally.

Quotable Quotes -- The Dalai Lama on Life Purpose and Satisfaction

That Dalai Lama -- he's amazing! If "personal outlook" were a software package, I'd ask for the Dalai Lama upgrade: because I like how he thinks. So compassionate and kind and reasonable, but not afraid of science. A fascinating, compelling combination. 

Some of his great quotes lately:

"We can't be useful to ourselves unless we're useful to others. Whether we like it or not, we're all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself. Anyone concerned only with his own well-being will suffer eventually. Anyone concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking about it. Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish -- let us help others." -- The Dalai Lama.

And another:

"Once you shift your focus from yourself to others and extend your concern to others, this will have the immediate effect of opening up your life and helping you to reach out. The practice of cultivating altruism has a beneficial effect not only from a religious point of view but also from a mundane point of view; not only for long-term spiritual development but even in terms of immediate rewards."

And another:

"The world's major religious traditions all give the development of compassion a key role. Because it is both the source and the result of patience, tolerance, forgiveness and all good qualities, its importance is felt to extend from the beginning to the end of spiritual practice. Even without a religious perspective, love and compassion are clearly of fundamental importance to us all."

And another:

"Satisfaction is characterized by inner peace. It arises from generosity, honesty and what I call ethical conduct, a way of behaving that respects others' rights to be happy."

---

Bringing this all back around to veterans with combat-based PTSD and their families, think how crucial what he's expressing are. Eighteen veterans a day kill themselves -- a shocking statistic -- and we seem to be at the beginning, not the middle or the end -- of that particular trend. Army and Marine suicides -- they see the bulk of the action, after all, in these wars -- are both up, despite the "best of intentions" on the part of the services to bring down the numbers. Pep talks on prevention and more prescriptions aren't solving the problem, nor are they likely to. Because, as one combat vet with PTSD said, "pep talks are hard to take seriously because that is for the normal life of a normal person, not for a veteran contemplating suicide because of combat trauma." True, that.

It's coming up on two years, shortly, of my first phone conversation with the combat vet, a Vietnam vet, Marine, with 40 years(!) of severe, chronic PTSD, which plagued his life, despite "all the best" of what the VA threw at him (his words, not mine), including an inpatient, residential PTSD program that was cutting-edge at the time. (Would it surprise you to know that most of his classmates in that program, according to him, are now dead, also from suicide?) After our first conversation, which seemed relatively pleasant and positive, he followed up with an email about wanting to drink and put a gun in his mouth to end it all, because he was sure God hated him; after all, he himself did. Sparkly stuff. Lots of unicorns and rainbows and fluffy clouds there...not one bit.

Of course, the end of his story is quite a bit more positive, mostly because it didn't end. He's made the transition from bleak, grim and grisly to mostly inspirational and awesome. And it took a while, a solid footing, a hand reaching across the abyss and pulling him up and out -- a hand which he importantly grabbed (it doesn't work if you don't ;-). It took some specific therapeutic treatments to help remove trauma from the body. We tried a few, intentionally, and they worked; there are others that might as well. And it took a huge motivation on his part to reach out -- however ugly his mess at the time -- to get some help and be real about where he was really at. For years, decades really, he'd been the one other vets' wives called to take the gun out of the mouths of their husbands. Now he finally had some hope to offer others. But it took commitment on his part, believing that the hope was out there, and going after it with all he had. Not always pretty, but effective :-)

(He's the veteran in the "Eyewitness to Combat" series on the site. Here are two items about his turnaround, linked here and here. The second is in his own words.)

Anyway, the upshot of the whole experience is wanting to build a program to bring other combat veterans with PTSD through, and help their families as well, who are often left holding the bag (of misery) but not really getting the help they need either. Combat veterans with PTSD have often lost their life purpose completely, and as we've been talking about lately, purpose is key.

The "eyewitness to combat" veteran, described above -- he and I share a purpose. It's helping others overcome. It's possible. And as the Dalai Lama says, that's being intelligently selfish -- taking care of those 18 vets a day who'll be killing themselves, BEFORE it happens. So it doesn't HAVE to happen. That's the best use that you and I could put our time and energy and compassion to. Please join in helping others so that they don't have to suffer so intensely, when there is a way out.

Editor's Note: A California-based psychology grad student is doing a Ph.D. thesis on Iraq vets with PTSD and life purpose. If you qualify based on the above criteria, he'd like to talk to you, and will pay you $50 for your efforts if you participate. Here's the link to his study. His brother is a combat vet. 

Additionally, you can "follow" the Dalai Lama on Twitter -- @DalaiLama -- and you can follow us on Twitter as well @HealingPTSD.

Prevention Talk and Prescriptions Apparently Not Doing It: Army and Marine Suicides Both Up

"The grand essentials of happiness," Allan Chalmers wrote, "are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." Those words echoed in my mind yesterday when I met a remarkable woman vet in Seattle, who ten years ago was homeless, suffering from MST and PTSD. (Today she's a vital, contributing member of her community, solving problems for herself and other veterans in need, on a large scale.) 

We were talking about suicide prevention, a cause close to her heart, because she'd lost a daughter to suicide, and recently a friend as well (Orrin McClellan, who we wrote about recently on this site.) We were talking about suicide, and how Army and Marine numbers are still up, despite prevention strategies. She said, pointedly, that she'd learned that veterans (and others) who are struggling with suicide need "three things" in their lives to keep from killing themselves. What they need are: "a reason to live, a way to live, and a purpose to live for."

Salon magazine had an excellent but gut-wrenching article earlier this week by Mark Benjamin called "A Predictable Suicide at Camp Lejeune," subtitled, "A doctor warned that mental health care for violent, disturbed Marines was inadequate. Sgt. Tom Bagosy proved it." The story profiled the violent death of Marine Sgt. Tom Bagosy, 25, on the way out of the Deployment Health Center. (Bagosy leaves a wife and two children.) Less than a year ago, Salon had run another article by Mark Benjamin about a Marine Corps psychiatrist, Dr. Kernan Manion, and his specific, whistle-blowing warnings about the inadequacy of mental health care at Camp Lejeune -- warnings he took all the way to the president, and seemingly for which he was fired a few days after voicing them. (Here's the link to that earlier article, including his warnings.)

Marines initiated a new suicide prevention program last year; but suicides have only increased. They lead the services at this point. Army numbers are up as well. According to a report released Thursday, and carried on CNN, 32 soldiers killed themselves in June, "the highest number in a single month" since Vietnam. Twenty-one of of the soldiers were active duty, 11 were inactive Guard or Reserve; and seven of them killed themselves while deployed. A quote from the article, "Army officials admit they still haven't answered the question of why troops are committing suicide at a record rate."

While Marines sometimes mock the Army's slogan of an "Army of One" -- preferring instead to focus on the group -- the reality is, both branches are seeing heavy combat and neither one is excelling at helping troops not commit suicide. New programs get trotted out, new initiatives, new videos. But none of them are getting the job done: not alone, not together. Troubled troops and veterans are simply not listening; or not hearing what they need to hear. And what would that be?

Well, Mass. General Hospital is having their second annual conference right now on the "Complexities and Challenges of PTSD and TBI," and they're doing a great job "Tweeting" the speakers' points in real time. Here are a few excerpts of note, starting with a crucial one: "Only 30% of troops self-identify as needing help before committing suicide -- despite all the proactive intervention points." And again: Only 42% of troops who screened positive for mental health problem actually sought help from doc or spiritual advisor." PTSD is initially difficult to distinguish in troops because upon their return home, "initial relief and euphoria" at being back can mask it. But over time,"After 8-10 weeks and adjusting to a different life schedule at home, symptoms start to present."

This fits right in with the stories you hear from people coming back, that they don't want to talk about it or think about it (PTSD); they just want to get on with their lives, and fit right back in to where they were before. It's later on, when this adjustment doesn't work, that things get more stressful. High unemployment can't help: veterans' unemployment is significantly higher, in the recession, even that the national average. And troops have gone from being highly focused on the battlefield and engaged in their warrior purpose to losing that and perhaps not being able to replace it immediately with another. They've also gone from a high level of camaraderie with their buddies often to being quite geographically separated from those they were close to when deployed. Marriages and family life can be rocky as well. The relationship they were dying to get back to on the battlefield may have evaporated by the time they got home; or not make the adjustment intact. Again from the MGH conference: "78% of marriages end in divorce for first-time deployment troops."

Against all these backdrops of difficulty -- and an awareness that the "gold standard" of treatment is still talk therapy and psychopharmaceuticals -- the problem persists, compounded by sleeping pills that can be dangerous, and the ever-present self-medication strategies of alcohol and street drugs. It's hard to get the formula right for the correct medication(s) at the correct dosage(s), and until that happens, veterans frequently talk about feeling numb, in a stupor, not feeling like themselves, etc. Vets don't necessarily want to talk about what they've been through -- except perhaps with one another, and even then, not that much -- and ignorant questioning about how many people they've killed while they were over there, etc., just exacerbates the problem. So enough of the bad news...of which there is plenty...what can vets possibly do to increase their chances of surviving and adjusting? Because I highly doubt it's gonna be another prevention video or poster that does the trick, however well-meaning.

If everyone wants an easy answer, maybe they won't like this. But it seems to be that it's time to return to replacing one purpose (warrior) with another (warrior on the homefront), and putting some time and thought, effort and resources into what that will be. One veteran who made the transition from serving to the fire department, felt he literally replaced his one purpose, and one set of buddies with another; and that "substitution of purpose," as it were, was what helped him survive. But not every vet will be so lucky, or have or make that opportunity. 

If we take a look back at the Chalmers quote that opened this discussion, what are the three "grand essentials" for happiness (i.e., well-adjustment) that he cites? Something to do, love and hope for. And what are the three things that help a vet prevent suicide, according to the suicide counselor vet? Three very similar things: a reason to live, a way to live, and a purpose to live for. Veterans are warriors...and cast aside from their purpose, without an effective way to replace that immediately, it's possible they flounder. As a society, as those who "support" our troops -- whether professionally or personally -- what can we do to make sure that they have all three? With a little reflection, we can see where they had them in combat. Something to do (be a warrior); something to love (family, country, buddies, the mission); and something to hope for (winning; getting back home alive; reuniting with family and friends; keeping your buddies alive). What I suspect, sadly, is that from those adrenaline-charged heights, life on the home front, potentially unemployed, over-medicated, and disconnected from family and friends, there can become a time when there's not enough "reason" to live; there's not enough way to live; and there's definitely a loss of purpose to live for.

A better use of resources than more videos, etc., though would be: focusing on what would it take to give veterans their purpose back? And not entirely how could be do it for them, but how could they join in that mission themselves? Every veteran affects the lives of 50 other people, minimum; so whatever happens with them back on the home front is a ripple effect. Let's focus some energy on the topic of continuing life with a purpose; versus watching on with sadness and despair the continuing tragedy of young vets (and older) taking their own lives. They've given too much; and they deserve so much better. So while pep talks on prevention and prescription pharmaceuticals don't seem to be doing the total job when it comes to suicide prevention, maybe it's time to bring back talk about purpose -- and how to continue that successfully, after the deployment is over and the uniform is hung up for the time being.

In a related side note, apparently mental health plummets when distressed individuals can't "do" to solve their situations with personal effort. There's been talk in the news lately about mental health issues soaring in the Gulf states after the BP eco-disaster, and that money needs to be set aside to help with those; but in that, there's also discussion of what happened after Hurricane Katrina. Apparently, after the hurricane hit, those affected started immediately to do what they could to restore their lives. (Think of all the news footage we've seen of residents after large-scale disasters, sawing up downed trees, hauling lumber to shore up makeshift housing, etc.) What's now surfacing anecdotally are stories about while this busy-ness after the disaster was therapeutic for people -- helped them to get their minds off the tragedy by putting themselves back to work -- when FEMA came through and made everything grind to a halt while they inventoried the situation -- people's grief and despair rose up in waves, with nothing to "do" to distract them.

Much is made of the "adrenaline rush" of combat, and how it's very hard (hmmn, likely impossible) to match that in civilian life -- but at the same time, there's also definite "purpose" -- of getting the job done, of keeping your buddies alive, etc. After combat...it's suddenly very quiet, and boring by comparison. "War is hell, but peace is boring!" some veterans joke. Cast adrift without the shared common and energizing purpose of combat, in their early 20s, veterans need quickly to find something to "do" that matters to them -- something they can live for, love and enjoy, that satisfies them and makes life worth living. Sadly, far too many people are checking out when they can no longer find a reason to live, and in tragic stories like that of Marine Sgt. Tom Bagosy, or Orrin McClellan, you get the impression they don't feel like they had any other choice. Tragic. Not just for them, but for the people they left behind, whose lives will also forever be marked by this experience. Such a tremendous loss...and possibly, preventable: If not for them, at least for some others. Let's try.

Quotable Quotes -- Rob Brezsny on What Qualifies as "Information" on a Subject, Even PTSD

Here's a great quote from American free thinker Rob Brezsny. I like it because it goes to the heart of what we're trying to do on this site. It's not the "same 'ol, same 'ol" -- it's an attempt to get people thinking differently about a topic that ruins many people's lives, yet within which there is still to be found a certain amount of hope.

This website has been going on for almost five years now. Tens of thousands of hours worth of researching, reading, interviewing experts, thinking and composing the almost 800 articles on the site, 200 recommended books, and dozens of experts. We when started, back in very early 2006, there really wasn't anything out there about PTSD and veterans on the Web, for troops coming back from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and their families. I Googled it plenty to make sure I wasn't intruding on someone else's "space." In fact, Ilona Meagher was starting her work at about the same time, but Google hadn't picked up either of us yet. A few months later, when I found her site, I made a point not to read it, so that we could each keep to our original point of view, and not be accused of overlap.

I even chose the name, "Healing Combat Trauma," in a fit of inspiration -- because it was expressly intended to give people HOPE, who might be lacking it, or beaten down by the sheer overwhelming nature of what they had, that they could still get better. Something to cling to, that might help move them out of a state of despair, discouragement and demoralization into a sense that there was something still worth looking for, not to mention living for. "Without hope, the people perish" -- the Bible says. It's a very true statement. And there's nothing like illness to make people give up hope, because of feeling poorly in body, mind and spirit.

Today, almost five years later, the "landscape" surrounding this topic has changed quite a bit, but it's also heartening that people are beginning to find that we're out there and like what they see. The need is greater than it ever was. At least 18 veterans a day kill themselves because they've frankly given up, or feel too miserable to carry on, with the "best" of what they've been offered from the status quo (which fortunately is also improving, but maybe not fast enough, or in enough flexible directions to satisfy the need.) I made a decision early on that I didn't want to "just" report the news -- "misery everywhere! report at 11" -- because that was too easy to do, and didn't require any original thought. We're not cutting and pasting here; we're reading, analyzing, thinking, and talking to people who know -- and then sharing that information with you. 

And there's a certain amount of resistance. On Facebook, where there's a fan page for this site, linked here, with approximately 2,500 members, people occasionally recoil in horror when they read the title. "Healing" Combat Trauma? Why, they sputter, you can't HEAL combat trauma -- my doctor said so! And I just saw him. Of course, we've covered that topic, ad infinitum, but the basic interpretation is, there's a difference between "healing" and "curing" -- and healing is a nice continuum of improvement from bad to better that anyone can jump right on, at any given time -- especially when they're ready to, and not a moment before. "Healing" isn't something you want to drag unwilling people into; but it's also something that is available for those who want it, at whatever degree they can access it. (Even the VA, at least at the level of the National Center for PTSD, and their clinical training which I got to attend in May, is talking about switching the emphasis from a focus on "symptomology" to "functionality" with PTSD -- a needed improvement.)

I had the "healing versus curing" conversation many times with the subject of "Eyewitness to Combat," whose own story of great improvement is highlighted here, in his own words. After going to one treatment or another that appeared to improve him, he would be excited about thinking that he was now "cured" -- despite 40 years of chronic, severe PTSD, and having tried most of what VA had to offer, including a stint in an inpatient, residential treatment program for PTSD that was cutting edge at the time. I tried to explain to him, patiently and not always successfully, that healing wasn't a toggle switch between "ill" and "well," but a path from one to the other, which he was now on, and which he'd continue to be on, through the various things that we'd try and the progress that he'd make. It's also something that doesn't always need a practitioner to facilitate. Practitioners are important, but there are also things that a person can do for him or herself, to improve their overall health and well-being. And sometimes it's important to wedge people's minds open just a little tiny bit...in order that they can encounter something new, that might change their world view, which might (ultimately) help change their lives. Worth it.

Which brings us to the quote of the hour. It's an interesting one, because Rob Brezsny hones in on how something people aren't used to -- the idea that you can "heal" PTSD, for instance -- ruffles some feathers, and shakes some people up. But if they already knew it, what would be the point of hearing it again? Sometimes we have to step away from our preconceived ideas about what "can" and "can't" happen to enter the realm of the possible. In sickness, which is so laden with discouragement and guilt -- as well as hype and manipulation, sometimes -- that's no different from any other area. So let's see what Brezsny has to say about what qualifies as "information" on a topic:

"Let's define information as data and ideas that are new to you. If it's something you already know, then it's trivia or propoganda or dogma, not information. In fact, let's be tempted to use the terms "information" and "novelty" interchangeably. If you're not surprised, if your curiousity isn't piqued, then the message streaming your way may not qualify as information." -- Rob Brezsny.

Quotable Quotes -- Rumi on "There Is Another View..."

We haven't shared any more quotes about the Tao of Healing lately, although there is a whole series of them on this site, linked here. However, this one, by 13th century Persian mystic philosopher Rumi, while not strictly "about" healing -- nevertheless speaks directly to the change in "vision" that's necessary in order to rise above the discouragement and defeat that sickness or disorder can imply. 

There's a famous Einstein quote that (paraphrased) says no problem can be solved at the same level at which it was created; it always needs a view ones step higher. This quote from Rumi reinforces Einstein's point, but I choose to look at it as how to view illness and health...

"Are you searching for your soul? Then come out of your own prison. Leave the little stream and join the river that flows to the ocean. Like an ox, don't pull the wheel of this world on your back. Take off the burden. Whirl and circle. Rise above the wheel of the world. There is another view." -- Rumi 

Too Long a Sacrifice Can Make a Stone of the Heart: The Tao of Self-Care

"Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart," wrote Irish poet William Butler Yeats. He wasn't necessarily a caregiver to anyone, like a veteran, with PTSD -- but he sure seems to understand the predicament. 

The "365 Tao" book that I'm so fond of -- what's not to love about an item at Amazon that has 65 ratings, and they're ALL five stars?! -- had a wonderful item today about how caring for another appropriately is wonderful, but that there is "too much" of a good thing, and it can backfire terribly on the caregiver. Read what it says:

CARING

"Don't go out looking for good deeds to do

But if one comes your way, do not refuse.

If you meet someone who is suffering, you must help them."

And then, importantly:

"Those who follow Tao believe in using sixteen attributes on behalf of others : mercy, gentleness, patience, nonattachment, control, skill, joy, spiritual love, humility, reflection, restfulness, seriousness, effort, controlled emotion, magnanimity, and concentration. Whenever you need to help another, draw upon these qualities. Notice that self-sacrifice is not included in this list. You do not need to destroy yourself to help another. Your overall obligation is to complete your own journey along your personal Tao. As long as you can offer solace to others on your same path, you have done the best that you can."

It's so crucial to note what the author says about "notice that self-sacrifice is not included in this list." (And, previously, that non-attachment was.) So many people on this path or journey, trying to help vets with PTSD, in their own families, their brothers and sisters they served with, etc., are bound to follow the completely self-sacrificing path. We understand that impulse...but see where it leads? It leads to personal disaster. Please take better care of yourself than that. It's not necessary to give your complete and entire all to do your best, to give your best. There has to be a "you" left at the end of the day, or the night. Please find and treasure that self...and don't let it be destroyed, even in the guise of being...the care-giver. 

What can you do for yourself today to improve your health and stress level? What nurtures you and gives you peace of mind? Is it exercise, spending time with friends, having alone time -- what is it? There are many things you can do for yourself that are inexpensive and take good care of you. Please make a list for yourself of what those are, and find a way to bring them back into your life. It will make a world of difference. Some of the very same recommendations or suggestions for veterans with PTSD are ones you might like yourself. A simple exercise like Qi Gong, which creates a feeling of being "relaxed, balanced and energized" -- is just one example of positive self-care, and there are many others.

At the opposite extreme, of not taking care of yourself, what can we guess happens with too long a sacrifice, for others, no matter how worthy, needy or deserving? According to the poet, it can "make a stone of the heart." And following this along...what happens to a stone heart? It shatters and breaks. Keep a soft heart...take care of yourself first...so you can continue to care for others. Not instead of yourself. Importantly, after yourself. So that you can give the best care of all...and not be depleted, broken or crushed. 

More Praise for "Healing Combat Trauma"

Belleruth Naparstek, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist, author, and guided imagery pioneer who is also the author of Invisible Heroes : Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal, and Health Journeys: A Guided Meditation for Healing Trauma (PTSD), two items that have helped many veterans interested in healing to make definite forward progress.

This past year, Naparstek published an important and educational article in the Huffington Post in May called "Note to Colleagues: Please Stop Saying Post Traumatic Stress is Incurable," linked here, as well as one in February called "Returning Troops from Iraq and Afghanistan are Different From Our Vietnam Vets," linked here, both of which are "required reading" for those who want to understand what obstacles face veterans and clinicians alike in treating combat-based post-traumatic stress.

Just the other day I happened to read an article on Naparstek's own HealthJourneys site where she mentioned our very own Healing Combat Trauma as "an excellent site" and referred readers to it. Very gratifying praise indeed from a someone who's a true pioneer in thinking about and working with trauma survivors.

Week-long Clinical Training Program at the National Center for PTSD

Just back from the week-long and yes, truly fabulous, "clinical training program" at the National Center for PTSD, held on the campus of the VA in Menlo Park, CA. Here's a link to the program. It could not have been better.

We learned so much -- classes ran from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. daily, and the stack of handouts, double-sided, ran to 14 lbs. of material. One of the best parts of the program, and there were so many, was the opportunity to observe the men's inpatient residential treatment program for PTSD. That was outstanding. It was hard not to want to follow those guys' progress through the rest of the 60-90 day program. They were working hard at getting better, and it was inspiring.

There'll be more to share about the experiences in the program and what we learned as time goes by, but for right now I just wanted to mention it. It was outstanding...

The Tao of Healing

We've collected the quotes we've been posting lately on health, healing and the wisdom of the body into a series called "The Tao of Healing," along with relevant articles from this site over the last few years. To access that collection as a whole, click here.

The quotes are intended to be opportunities for reflection about what health and healing mean to you, what hope you can have, and what wisdom you may already bring to addressing your own condition. So often, we're quick to forget that we have any wisdom at all about ourselves as individuals, and yet, typically we know -- or ought to know -- ourselves better than anyone else can or would.

As Harvard-trained physician and integrative medicine pioneer Andrew Weil, M.D., tellingly writes in "Health and Healing," "...My training and background as a physician have made me reluctant to go to doctors or hospitals except for real emergencies. I have practiced paying attention to my body, diagnosing my own problems, and treating them myself whenever I can. As a result of this practice, I have become a sharp observer of changes in my body, usually detecting illnesses at very early stages and having a good sense of their nature."

While his method might not work for everyone -- since laypeople are probably less aware of the risks they might be overlooking than a trained physician might be -- still, it points out that quintessential "theme" of the Tao of healing...to observe one's self in sickness and in health, and figure out if there are any life lessons encoded in the experience, or wisdom to be gained from the observation of same. Not always, but sometimes, or frequently enough if you practice it, there's quite a lot to be gained from looking within and contemplating what the message of illness and difficulty is -- while not ignoring the outward signs that may need treatment.

The concept many of us have grown up with, of there being a distinct "Mind-Body" split, is actually one that only goes back to the 17th century, and mathematician/philosopher Rene Descartes. Both earlier and later, this "split" or "dualism" between the body and the mind has been rejected as "artificial." Whether or not you want to get into this abstract philosophical detour, it's interesting to contemplate that if there is no split, the body and the mind work in concert to share their sometimes quite enlightening wisdom with us, if we're open to hearing it.