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The Marines

July 03, 2008

Find the Cost of Freedom, Buried in the Ground

Censored Truth It's an old Crosby, Stills & Nash song, by Steven Stills. Many of us who were there in the 70s still remember the words. I know I can recite them from memory: "Find the cost of freedom, buried in the ground. Mother Earth will swallow you; lay your burdens down."

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July.  Not only my favorite holiday the whole year through -- sorry, I'm a New Englander, we're just born that way -- but also another opportunity - along with Memorial Day, and Veterans Day - to stop and honor the service of those who sacrificed their lives for freedom, or at least, responded to what they saw as the call of duty that they responded to, while others did not. Those whose blood was shed on American soil -- in Lexington, Massachusetts, in the Revolutionary War -- and also, more recently, in the jungles of Vietnam, in the mountains of Afghanistan and in the sands and urban jungles of Iraq.

I'm thinking today about censorship -- and the power of an image to convey, in a single instance, what those of us who labor over our words perhaps never can.  The picture, they claim, is worth 1,000 words -- perhaps because it communicates, in an instant, across barriers of language, space and time -- what human beings instinctively understand, nonverbally.  With war: that there is a price; that it is never really glorious; that those who give their lives often do so -- as the poet W.H. Auden wrote about the famous art masterpiece, the "Fall of Icarus," by the Dutch painter, Brueghel -- in a depressingly inglorious context:

"About suffering they were never wrong,

The Old Masters; how well they understood

Its human position; how it takes place

While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along...

If you don't remember the Greek myth of Icarus you might need some refreshing.  He's the pre-Wright Brothers son of Daedalus, whose father built him a pair of wings, in order to take flight and escape from the island of Crete.  But the father glued the wing feathers in with wax, and then warned his son not to fly too close to the sun (probably without explaining actually why.)  Icarus partially succeeded in his goal -- he was able to fly, but in flying, did get too close to the sun -- at which point the sun's rays melted the wing feathers' wax and he literally dropped out of the sky, into the ocean -- having succeeded in his fabulous quest and also painfully failed, all at the same time.  That's not the parallel with the armed forces: the parallel worth drawing here is that sometimes death on a glorious "mission" turns out to be a most pedestrian thing, and the rest of us, unless we're apprised of it, don't even notice or celebrate.  On a deeper level, it brings up the question: as Americans, how exactly do we "support the troops," if we're not even really aware of what they're up against?

Unlike Vietnam, where grainy black and white news footage of U.S. soldiers fighting and dying in foreign jungles was often watched during dinner, with Walter Cronkite narrating -- in Iraq and Afghanistan, we're reduced to very little coverage and certainly not much that could "upset" our "overly tender sensibilities."  No flag-draped coffins being offloaded at Dover Air Force Base, instantly communicating that for every loss in combat there's a grieving, distraught family and a hole in the community, left by that veteran, that will never be filled.  Even those, like me, who don't exactly excel at math -- we're more than dimly aware that for every servicemember KIA -- or killed in action -- there are scores more wounded and disfigured for life -- emotionally scarred (invisibly) as well as visibly.  The human costs are staggering: those are daddies and mommies, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, employees and employers who come home different: maybe unable to work, maybe unable to function - initially or long-term; maybe unable to take care of their families while they struggle with their own wounds of war.  This is the human cost of war: it exists whether we are personally dialed in to it and aware of it, or not.  It is, to use the words of Hedley Peach, a "generic effect of combat."

And while the news media gives scant coverage to what is happening in the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, as surely as the hands of our clock tick daily the minutes and the hours, somebody's sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers are dying, and being injured -- somewhere.  We can be for or against the wars -- forget that noise for now -- but at the very least, we ought to be for the veterans.  And their families.  If what happens is fully what they signed up for: so be it.  I'll say this for myself, if no one else: They're better people than I am.  If it's not what they bargained for: even more reason to feel compassion for what they're going through.  But here's a pretty elementary principle: if we don't see it, we can't grasp it -- and we move on with our lives as though nothing were really happening.  No coffins at Dover? No bodies on the news?  I guess this war isn't really costing that much in human terms after all...it's just another blip on our radar, hardly making a difference among the rest of the pronounced concerns of our lives and welfare.  Except that it IS happening -- and men and women are dying, and being injured, often grievously -- and we're, generally speaking, like the villagers in the Icarus poem, above (read the whole thing) pretty unaware of how that affects us, or if it even does.

And THAT is where journalism comes in, and photojournalism -- to convey in a single image, what dozens of column inches can barely touch.  A single image that resourcefully, potently conveys the reality of life and death on the knife edge, on the tip of the spear -- somewhere around the globe, and challenges you, me, us -- the viewer -- to say that it matters, and that we finally understand.

Maybe that's why in every craptastic Third World-ish revolution, they always kill -- um, that would be the military who does the killing -- the intelligentsia -- the artists, the poets, the thinkers, the intellectuals -- first.  Because I guess if you even goad the populace at large to think, why, you're a highly dangerous individual, and should be stopped -- before you can do any more harm (I mean, good.)

---

Want a riveting image, that "stops the presses," and conveys for all time the intrinsic truth -- or at least, one powerful truth -- about an experience?  Turn to a photojournalist.  I've read more words than I can think of in my time, but if you want to know what I remember -- it's the images, often Pulitzer Prize-winning, from the eras of our shared experience.  Vietnam? It's the naked young girl, covered in Napalm, running from her burning village.  (We dropped the Napalm, btw...) Famine in Africa?  It's the buzzard, waiting for the tiny dark baby with its protruding ribs to just "hurry up and die, wouldja?!" so the buzzard could eat it.  (The photographer who shot that amazing scene, and won a Pulitzer Prize for it, later killed himself -- perhaps because those who witness tremendous suffering, also suffer tremendously themselves.)

---

I'm not going to say who it is, because -- call me a fatalist -- I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find out that he's dead.  ESPECIALLY not on the Fourth of July -- that would be offensive in the extreme.  But the other day, some well-known and ridiculously good photojournalist blogrolled me -- stuck a link to this blog on his blog -- and I checked it out, to see what his stuff was like -- and of course it was riveting.  He's an embedded photojournalist in Iraq, or was, I should say, until the Marine brass apparently got fed up with him, and summarily pulled him out of his embedded assignment and out of the country.  His only offense, from the sounds of things?  Shooting the aftermath of a suicide blast in Ramadi -- you know, the Anbar province -- the Sunni triangle -- the previous hotbed of violence in Iraq -- which if we're to read the mainstream media, why, all that has calmed down considerably from a few years ago, and there's hardly anything brewing there at all.  Well, except for the lives of scores of people who died there, INCLUDING MARINES, in a suicide bombing just last week.  This guy documented it -- as sensitively as one could, given the horrific nature of the scene -- and he expressed the emotional toll it was taking on him, as no other experience had.  And somebody in the Marine Corps upper echelons took offense at what the rest of us call -- oh, I don't know -- the First Amendment -- and took steps to pull him out of there, on the double.

Let's HOPE the guy lives long enough to evacuate safely.  Really.  And then let's hope he still gets to show what he shot, at great personal cost -- because some of the rest of us (it's a refresher course: we're called Americans) want to actually SEE the cost of freedom -- in a way that those of us who don't serve, don't know; and those of us who do, and did -- know only too well.  It's only fair.  If we sanitize the living daylights out of these wars -- for what? -- not only will the American public not "get" the tremendous price paid by those serving AND their families; they won't be as compassionate to the same people afterwards as they need to be.  It's in all of our best interests to actively fight for, and preserve, the freedom of the press.  And that means photojournalists, who document war's horror, sufferings, and triumphs in a way no print journalist could ever begin to approximate.

---

For my part, when I saw the photos in question the other day, I had myself a good, therapeutic, and instantaneous cry -- not just for the crumpled bodies of THOSE Marines on the ground -- he was subtle, nuanced and concerned enough not to show their faces, or anything else that identified them -- but for all the others I knew and knew about, who'd fought, been injured, or died there -- or returned home, not quite as intact, in body or soul, as when they'd left.  To deny us, as Americans, the chance through images like this to share the plight of those who are fighting on our behalf elsewhere in the world, is to deny us the chance to share what servicemembers are going through; and to deny them the chance to know that somewhere out there are people who "get," admire and respect the tremendous price they've paid through their service.

---

The Marine Corps, which wants to sign more patriotic young sons and daughters up to fight, apparently thinks that by constraining the version of what reality is to just a portion of the whole will keep them happy and us in the dark, and people like this brave guy, the photographer, well, in complete limbo.  Little do they know that the patriots will still fight, but the rest of us could use an education course in compassion, sensitivity and yes, tenderness for those who've fought in battle, that only comes through expanding our horizons, and by facing the whole truth of what they're really going through, as combatants. Don't sugar coat the truth: everyone who goes to war comes back changed -- that's just how it is.  Let's develop a compassion and an understanding for what they go through, not sweep it under the rug.  The death and injury of those with whom they serve is often the most scarring aspect of combat there is.  Just ask those who've never been the same since.

So especially on this Fourth of July, as one extraordinarily talented photojournalist sits in limbo, let's hope still alive, ripped out of the fight for no other reason than that he was getting a little too close to home in showing us what war is really like -- I'm appalled to think that as Americans, we're not being trusted with the whole truth, when it's expressly the whole truth that we need, as Martin Luther King once said, to set us free.  We need to know the human costs of these battles we're in.  And suppressing the images of that just harms our servicemembers and their families, and cripples the compassion of us as a people.

---

Until I looked it up just now, I didn't realize that Crosby, Stills and Nash song had other lyrics.  Apparently it does.  Besides the chorus (above), which I remember so well, there's another verse as well:

Daylight again, following me to bed
I think about a hundred years ago, how my fathers bled
I think I see a valley, covered with bones in blue
All the brave soldiers that cannot get older been askin' after you
Hear the past a callin', from Armegeddon's side
When everyone's talkin' and no one is listenin', how can we
decide?

On the behalf of all those "brave soldiers that cannot get older," could we at least not suppress and crush the efforts of those who are trying to get us to see the whole truth?  What truth is that, you may ask?  The very cost of freedom, buried in the ground -- in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and in Vietnam beforehand. Godspeed, Z.  You are a witness on ALL of our behalf, to the price that war really exacts, on those who serve in it.

July 01, 2008

The Art of War - but Not Sun Tzu's: Three B&W Iconic Images from Iraq, Vietnam and Afghanistan Depict War and Its Toll on the Warrior

Zoriah Forgiveness Tattoo

Three images to ponder -- three black and white depictions of war and the veteran:

This first image, by the humanitarian photojournalist Zoriah -- currently in Iraq -- is profound, stark and spectacular.  It is also very recent.  Zoriah narrowly survived a bombing in the Anbar province last Thursday.  This is an image he captured from last Monday -- of a young U.S. soldier.  Zoriah writes: "A couple of days ago I went out on a foot patrol in Sadr City with a young a soldier and noticed the tattoo on his arm, featuring a rosary and the words “Forgive Me.”  I asked him what the story behind it was.

He said, “After my first tour in Iraq, I went back home to the states and all my friends called me a murderer and killer.  I guess I started thinking a lot about all the things I had done over here…you know.”

(Zoriah's blog, filled with inescapably riveting images like this one, is linked here.  Stay safe, Zoriah!)                                               

The second image is of a Vietnam-era veteran, standing, head bowed, in front of the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, DC, also known as "The Wall."  It's taken Monument_du_Vietnam_%28Washington_D_C_%29by French Canadian photographer, Patrick-Andre Perron, whose website is here.  Interestingly, on Perron's website, he "illustrates" this photograph with a poem he must particularly like, that he apparently saw on the wall.  We include it here:

"If you are able, save for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go.

Be not ashamed to say you loved them,
though you may or may not have always.
Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep it with your own.

And in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind."
 

- Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970, Dak To, Vietnam, Listed as KIA February 7, 1978

---

Nicholas G Ciccone by Michael D Fay USMC The third image is of Lance Cpl. Nicholas G. Ciccone, USMC, captured by Marine Combat Artist and Warrant Officer Michael D. Fay, whose blog, Fire and Ice, is linked here.  This is a pencil sketch of a young Marine, core-level exhausted after a nine-day firefight in Afghanistan.  Says Fay: This "was the face of Lance Cpl. Ciccone I looked upon inside the freezing gutted remains of Kandahar International Airport in early January 2002. His platoon had just dragged themselves into the terminal building after completing a nine-day combat patrol. They had originally intended to be out for only twelve hours, but found a huge weapons cache and the Taliban wanted it back. I don’t know what happened during those long days, but whatever it was, these Marines had the look. And of them all, Ciccone had it in spades. The drawing shows him the very moment he’s dropped his backpack and removed his helmet. Looking at it now I realize what it was about him — the weight was still there."

Sadly, Lance Cpl. Nicholas G. Ciccone later lost his own battle with PTSD, killing himself in October of 2003. Ciccone's suicide, Fay remarked, "made me acutely aware that not all fatal wounds are physical."

June 30, 2008

PTSD: (That's Some) Pretty Terrible Sh*t (to Have to) Deal (With), Don't You Think?

MJ Marine Editor's Note: We commemorate the otherwise momentous, historic signing of the GI bill into law today with this little snippet of what life was like for someone who served recently.  For everyone who doesn't "get" what sacrifice is, and that those who've served have earned their accolades and rewards, here's a grunt's-eye view of the experience of combat trauma, and how that relates to PTSD and various other topics in the news.  It's doubtful that any one of us would like to have changed places with him, at such a young age.  Herewith, his story, emphasis mine:

---

I'm no Vietnam vet, but a vet of Operation Iraqi Freedom. I turned 18 while in boot camp because I graduated high school at 17. I was discharged early for having "personality disorder" after I went to Iraq.

I was in the Marines, and my MOS was a ground communications electronics technician. A couple months after graduating my training for the job and going to my first unit, I was "volunteered" to join and train with another unit that was leaving soon. The new task I was given was "Mortuary Affairs".

This group was put together with a couple dozen other Marines from other sections. Our job was to go to locations where troops had been killed and not able to be retrieved by the group they were out with due to the fact they were under too much danger or whatever the case. I had no clue the effects this would have on me. It was a horrible experience.


It was not like going and picking up a corpse and that's it. For one, you were in a hot zone, where people were just killed, not just by gunfire.

Here are some brief descriptions of the missions I was a part of...
 

The first one wasn't too bad; the body was actually brought to us at the camp we were at.

 

It was a young male Marine. He was supposedly in a Hummer going somewhere and might not have been wearing his helmet. He had a silver dollar sized hole in the side of his head.

When we get the bodies back the camp we have to take off all materials on the body, and go through and bag each individual body part. It was more of a surreal experience really, I did not know how I was supposed to feel.

Once our troops invaded Fallujah was when things started to get worse. On another of the missions, a truck carrying fuel was crossing a bridge and was shot with an RPG. The truck went off the bridge and fell, the fire burning most of everything.

 

When we went out it was usually just a dozen of us with maybe 2 Hummers of security if we were lucky. For anyone who doesn't know, most the Hummers used were old and poorly maintained/equipped... almost no armor. So we get there and head down to the bottom where the truck fell and we had to pull out burnt bodies from inside of the cabin.

 

It sounds bad, but burnt bodies are almost like burnt food... so perhaps it wasn't as bad as the rest. It did not help our appetite when we had to eat in the same building we processed the bodies in. Our shop was just a medium-sized bunker, no walls or anything so yes we basically ate next to the bodies. It is obvious why some of us didn't eat the meat.

 

The worst mission I went on was when an army tank was traveling down a road and was blown up from a roadside explosive. The bomb was so powerful: you could not identify ANY part of the tank except for the tracks. It had been tossed a couple hundred feet in different directions.

 

It took us I think, about 15 hours to do this mission. There was gunfire when we first arrived but nothing more. I think we picked up a couple thousand pieces of flesh that day. Going through each one individually. They would range from small penny-sized pieces to legs, torsos, heads, feet, testicles, arms, etc.

 

There were a few more missions but we get the idea by now I'm sure. I guess it started to become noticeable that I wasn't doing well. I was taking whole boxes of NyQuil tablets and drinking bottles of medicine to get anything I could out of it at night. I smoked probably a pack of cigarettes a day, which is a lot for me because I have never really smoked more than a couple cigs a day if at all.

 

My officer had me go speak to the chaplain and from there a navy doctor who was a great person to have over there. He pulled strings and had me med-evac'd out of there a few weeks later.

 

In the meantime I had been moved out of my job until I was able to leave. I was harassed for leaving: superiors thought I was just faking to get out.

 

I had become highly depressed and my roommates noticed me screaming sometimes in my sleep.

 

From Iraq I spent a few days at an army hospital in Germany, talking to various doctors and such... going through the process.

 

I was being given pills for depression and for insomnia. Then I made it back to the US and once at my base I was seen by a psychologist. They actually gave me the option to get of the military, so I did.

 

I had been told the process takes several months to year until you finally leave. In the meantime I started drinking daily, and stopped taking the pills they gave me because they seemed to numb my mind and I could not stand it because I have always had such a wonderful and creative mind. It made me feel like a zombie, I could not even create artwork which was my biggest hobby.

 

A month down the road I started having nightmares, very detailed and morbid. A few times I would wake up with tears. I began having suicidal thoughts and crying at least a few times a day. Thank God my best friend was stationed not so far, he saved my life I think.

 

It was hard for me to wake up because of the medicine I had been taking, that’s another reason I stopped it, I was always drained. The first week I was back I never even reported back to my old unit, I didn't know what I was doing.

 

A week later they send somebody to come get me. There, I was harassed and treated like a piece of s%#t some more by my master sergeant. They had me sit in inventory room all day while I struggled to stay awake. I luckily had a very kind staff sergeant in charge of me at the time. He would let me sleep and go home early.

 

I admit I was very lucky in getting out, because it only took me about 2 months until I was officially a civilian again. I was going back home. I stayed with my older sister and her boyfriend at first, because I was not too fond of going back to my parents. My depression got worse and I started to drift further from sanity and comfort; people noticed I was a different person.

 

At this point I started smoking marijuana occasionally. Which was really the only time I felt anything, happy, able to think, speak, talk to people, feel normal.

 

Eventually I moved back with my parents and that's when things got worse for me. I had some additional problems I know was facing, I needed a job, and had people on my back constantly. I had no access to marijuana during this time.

 

My insomnia got to its peak to where I could not sleep AT ALL at night. I also began having more suicidal thoughts, nightmares got worse and I had them ANY time I could sleep which was usually from 7:00 AM to 12:00 PM, began having auditory and visual hallucinations everyday, and constant anxiety.

 

I knew I had PTSD and that the military used "personality disorder" so that they would not take the rap for it.

 

I finally couldn't take the insomnia anymore and was prescribed Ambien, which actually works extremely well and helped get my body back on schedule, only thing is I had to take it for 3 months and then no more because they said it was addictive.

 

So it became difficult without it. I did a long process of seeing doctors and filling out paperwork for the VA and was finally officially a disabled vet due to chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, normally referred to as PTSD.

 

I started to be able to get a hold of marijuana again and when I had it things were more stable. My temper was not out of hand and I could sleep comfortably having less nightmares. At this point I had gone a year or more straight of having nightmares every night.

 

It has been three years now and I am much better. Time has healed me a little and I smoke marijuana as often as I can. I don't have hallucinations anymore, or rarely any nightmares. I do however still have bad anxiety, temper, and depression problems when I'm not high.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention is that PTSD has basically ruined my memory. Since I first showed symptoms until now, my memory does not work nearly as well as it should.

 

I still have major problems concentrating and working sometimes too. It makes interviews and other social activities near impossible for me, as I cannot speak or express myself as I used to. I get very nervous and my mind blanks out sometimes. I cannot say if marijuana will help all my problems, but I can say marijuana helps me feel alive.

 

Being high is the only time I feel good and happy, deep down. I can be around loved ones or any social crowd without tweaking out from anxiety, I can think and operate much more smoothly, I don't have a short temper, and it makes me want to live.

 

The past couple months have been rough on me and I have been going to the VA hospital here to try and get help. The first 4 times I went, they did the same exact thing which was to ask a series of questions, ask me if I want pills and send me home. I kept telling them I did not want pills because I have seen what they have done to people I know and what they have done to me.

 

All I wanted was someone to talk to.

 

After the fourth time of going in there feeling like I wanted to die, they finally got someone for me to talk to. We have just met once so far, but I think it will be good for me.

 

In the meantime I have not been able to smoke recently because I am trying to find another job, which is not going too well and I only have a couple weeks before my current job ends.

 

I have had a few interviews but blow them miserably because it’s getting harder and harder for me to go through the whole thing without my nerves choking me to death. It’s only been a week or two since I smoked last and my temper and depression are already busting through the door. I worry too easily and stress out to the extreme.

 

Take what you will from this story, but I know for a fact marijuana has saved my life numerous times.

 

-- One young former Marine's story, in his own words. Used with permission.


Editor's note: "Mortuary Affairs" was also the detail highly-decorated Marine ("Marine of the Year") Daniel Cotnoir worked in Iraq, before a combination of circumstances, including PTSD, triggered an event in his hometown of Lawrence, Massachusetts -- which got him arrested, and barely escaped conviction.  We have blogged about Daniel Cotnoir's case many times on this blog, going back several years, when it was current.  It's safe to opine, that even within the trauma of war, some things are harder to endure than others.  Our guess would be, mortuary affairs really qualifies for extreme hardship and exposure to things that make PTSD an occupational hazard.

June 17, 2008

Rob Honzell's First Person Account, as a Vietnam Vet, of Combat PTSD

HonzellAn update on an earlier blog post, from February of this year.  Rob Honzell, Sr., M.S.'s book, First Person: Combat PTSD, is now available at Amazon.com.  It's Honzell's account, in his own words, of what his Vietnam experience was like, and how they've affected the ensuing years since.  Not sure how much of it relates specifically to PTSD, despite the title -- I've just started leafing through it -- but to the extent that it's written by a Vietnam veteran who's been coming to terms with what he experienced ever since, it's worth knowing it's out there, and maybe seeing if your local library will buy a copy, to keep the Vietnam experience alive so we can keep learning from it.

It's also fair to say, not many people are able to write about their own experiences with PTSD - it's just too devastating.  We mentioned the other day a book that's just come out by an Army Ranger, Nate Self, about his Two Wars: with insurgents and with his own PTSD -- from the current OIF/OEF conflict.  With hundreds of books about the wars in our collective lifetimes, the just aren't many that address this topic directly, by people who've experienced PTSD.  Let's hope these are the start of many more contributions to the first person narrative literature on the subject.

June 07, 2008

SSgt. Travis Twiggs - Well-Loved U.S. Marine and Hurting PTSD Hero - the Update

Travis Twiggs Still a Hero It's nice to know that the exceptionally tragic story of PSTD sufferer and well-loved Marine SSgt. Travis N. Twiggs hasn't completely faded from view -- a story we broke here, days before the national media even picked it up.  This weekend it looks like the Times-Picayune has a two-part series about Twiggs on the NOLA.com website, linked here, and the story is both well-written, and contains - gasp - actual reporting, including conversations with the dad and stepmom, both Louisiana residents.  (The Twiggs brothers spent their formative years in Ama, Louisiana.)  It's a shock to me that CNN never covered the Twiggs story -- although they did cover the story of the Marine on leave who was murdered over $8 in his pocket.  I guess the fear-mongering, anxiety-producing shock value of that "news," while terrifically sad in itself, beats the prospect of actually covering a story with some complexity and depth, in which we as Americans could stand to learn more about the life and background of an American hero whose death we mourn.  Weird values, CNN (or maybe complete lack of them...)

One nice development since our original reporting on this story, back in mid-May when it happened.  The Marine Corps Gazette, which originally published Travis Twiggs' story about his battle with PTSD, put the article back in print.  It's available on their website now, linked here.  And they added a nice little blurb about mourning his passing and extending their condolences to his family, which is appropriate.  It also sounds like there was a Memorial Service for the extremely well-loved Staff Sergeant at Quantico a week ago, which allowed his fellow Marines and those he'd come in contact with over the years, to pay their respects.  Also a very nice, and well-deserved touch.  (So much better than just sweeping the whole situation under the rug, because it had such a tragic ending.)

Other nice developments include hearing more from Travis Twiggs' wife, Kellee, about her husband's ongoing and difficult battle with PTSD.  We've blogged about her here and here, and those entrees are well worth reading, to learn more about the spouse and family's battle with PTSD, since it ultimately involves them very much.  Kellee is an impressive American hero herself, and their two lovely girls will now grow up without their dad -- and with undoubtedly many questions about why he had to die -- because of this terrible opponent he faced, which ultimately defeated him.  (And don't think they won't struggle with that: research has shown that PTSD does have consequences into future generations.  We've blogged about that elsewhere here.)

It turns out that Kellee Twiggs and Travis Twiggs went way back, and had known each other since Twiggs Heroic Family 3 of 4 Total childhood, though married for the last decade. In other words, a wife who really knew her husband, and what was, or wasn't, normal for him to be like, behavior-wise.  I still remember some of her first words from a tv report, on learning of her husband's violent death in Arizona.  It's from an audio clip, and she's obviously upset, and her words at the end just trail off, like she's debating about whether she can even say what she's wanting to say. The quote?  "He was sick, mentally. with PTSD. and this is the result of it.  He now leaves me, and two beautiful daughters, because NOBODY in the Marine Corps, here at Quantico, wanted to take the time..." To do what?  Here's where it gets so difficult...

To listen? PTSD sufferers often don't want to talk about what they're really going through.  A note from someone who was undergoing treatment with Travis at Bethesda let me know that as great a guy as Travis was, and he really WAS, his friend emphasized, he definitely didn't want to talk about his down times.  To treat it?  Sounds like Travis Twiggs had gone through multiple forms of treatment for his PTSD, but none of them were effective -- and that's pretty par for the course, in some ways.  The current thinking seems to be, hand someone a handful of pills -- at one time, Travis was taking 19 different medications -- and hope for the best.  There was some counseling involved, but it sounds like very little -- and the whole emphasis of the medication is on "forgetting" or "blurring out" (numbing out) the memories -- so when you're on the medication you're pretty much a zombie (his wife speaks of his being -- great made-up word -- in "comatose-dom" while he was on medication), and when you're off, why, the memories of what you're trying to forget just come flooding back.  Intrusive memories (meaning, you get them when you don't want them) are a hallmark of PTSD.

And Twiggs had some memories he was very mu